Overwhelmed

What do you do when you are overwhelmed? Like when seemingly big things change in your life and you have to figure out what to do now? Or maybe just a bunch of small things change, but all of those combined shift things just enough that your brain doesn't want to function, doesn't want to have to change paths.

Have you ever watched a little kid when something gets in their way? I have a 1 year old daughter and if she is on a mission and you put something in her path then she does all she can to go over it, or around it, or through it. She isn't bothered too much by what is in her path, she just doggedly moves forward to get to her objective. Little kids minds are constantly figuring out the world around them and making all kinds of new pathways in their brain on how to do things. I think as we get older we get in the habit or mindset of how things are supposed to go. Those pathways get traveled again and again and just like the wagon tracks on the Oregon Trail they start to form mental ruts. If something blocks those paths it can be pretty hard to get out of the ruts and go around.

I'm kinda feeling like that right now. We got a new to us washer and dryer about a month ago. It was a brand I trusted and loved, so even though we were getting them used I still felt ok about it. Well, this washer isn't washing as good as my last one did. That was disappointing, but the dryer was working fabulously! Now the dryer isn't working and I'm not sure what is going on. Do heating elements just go out overnight? Or do they usually just slowly not work as well? This wouldn't be as big of a deal if it was a little warmer and I could hang things on the clothesline, but it's still pretty cold and quite windy.

Added to this is that I have a baby lamb in my laundry room. This sweet little girl needs to be bottle fed every 2-3 hours for the next week and in order to make feeding time easier she is in the laundry room. I'm not a big animal person. They make me nervous, and I especially don't care to have farm animals in my house. Baby lambs are not house trained which means you have to clean up after them, and I just don't like doing that. So, I avoid my laundry room and the kids do the feeding. But if I'm avoiding my laundry room, how do I get the laundry done?

My kids do help with the laundry, but they don't do it as well as I do. I know, they can learn, and they should learn, but it takes them forever and I just want to get this mountain to a more maintainable level. That won't happen if I just depend on them to do the laundry. It would include a lot of nagging on my part, and a lot of frustration on theirs. Not a good dynamic.

Could we put the lamb outside? Yes, we could, but sadly the last lamb that we did that with died and the kids were heartbroken. I don't want to go through that again, either. So for now it looks like this little girl will be taking up residence inside.

I really don't know what I need to do first. I'm heartbroken that my washer and dryer aren't working 100% right now. I'm feeling like a failure because what I thought was a good deal isn't working out and I don't know how to fix it. I'm second guessing my choice to buy used instead of new. Added to that is the lamb and added mess in my laundry room and I just want to avoid laundry altogether. This is not good when you've chosen to cloth diaper and it's time to wash diapers.

I know this is a phase and will only last for a short time, comparatively speaking, but right now, today, it feels overwhelming. So if you read this and feel inclined, I wouldn't say no to a prayer being offered up for my sanity, or some happy vibes being sent my way. I think I will put on some upbeat music and dance or sing my way through the day. Maybe that will help.

Body Image vs Self Image

I had a baby in April. This is baby #7 for me. The last 3 children have come in 3 years. Before I got pregnant I had gotten down to my pre-pregnancy weight. This last pregnancy I gained more weight than I have in a long time. I figured I would lose it in a similar manner than I did the last couple of times. Well, it hasn't happened. Usually I lose about half of it fairly quickly and then pretty slowly to a certain point where I stay until I start weaning my children and working out more. Well, my initial weight loss wasn't very much and I haven't continued to lose. Since I wasn't planning on having my kids so close together I had gotten rid of my larger clothes. Now I'm at a bigger size and I have very few clothes that are not maternity clothes. Part of me kept holding out on buying anything because I told myself that I was just going to lose the weight here soon and I didn't want to invest in something I would only wear for a couple months. However, the more time that went by without me losing weight, the worse I felt for not having anything cute to wear. This left me a couple things to do. I could continue on as I was and hoping, but feeling horrible. I could drastically change my diet, start extreme exercising, and possibly risk hurting my milk supply, or I could accept that my body knows what it needs, I can eat healthy and moderately exercise, and buy bigger clothes. I have changed my diet in the past and my milk changed and it did affect my babies. I'm not willing to do that again. I also didn't want to keep feeling yucky. So, I am buying bigger clothes.

I'm actually really ok with this now. At first I wasn't. I didn't want to admit that I wasn't as skinny as I used to be. I had worked really hard to lose weight before getting pregnant. I've never really worried about my weight before. I usually eat pretty well and while I don't like to sweat I do try to get some moderate exercise in. I have tried to focus on energy level and how I feel physically and emotionally be bigger determining factors. Most of the time this works, but I had become a bit vain. This was my body image. It was not a good one. The thing that I needed to remember was about me. I can be a good mom at any size. I can be a good friend at any size. Size does not determine my self worth. So, I repaired my self image and realized that I do deserve to have clothes that I look and feel good in. If I do only wear them for 3 months, that is ok. I can trust in God that I will always have what I need when I need it. When my size changes I will be able to get clothes that fit. Right now I can get clothes that fit. It's ok.

I wish that so much of our society wasn't fixated on size. I hated seeing so many new moms stressing about losing weight right after having their babies. It was horrible seeing women stressed about what their doctor might say about their weight gain during pregnancy. We all have different bodies. We are built different, have different metabolisms, and different health concerns and needs. I wish that we focused more on just being healthy. If we could support each other in learning how to eat healthy foods and stay fit. And if we would remember to tell each other how special we are whether we are a size 22 or a size 2. Since I can't change anyone else I will work on me. I will also do what I can to build up my daughters and teach them the importance of eating well and being healthy and not focus on size. Hopefully they too can build each other up instead of beating themselves up.

I have really missed blogging. The last couple of years have been really crazy with a lot of ups and downs. During all of this time I've let a lot of things take a back burner, but this blog is something that has been on my mind and I hope that I've figured out a way to make it work so that I can blog again. So, it's getting late tonight, but keep your eyes peeled for a post coming up soon.

Thankful Thursday

I just have to say, I am so thankful for good neighbors.  I think that is one thing I really love about living in a small town.  On Monday we were able to go help a neighbor with some sheep and some fencing.  Then, another neighbor told us about some old but still good fencing that was just taking up space at their place that we could haul away, so my wonderful husband and his dad did just that and now we have a better fence around our sheep.  It is so nice to have people around to give help to, and to help.  I love living here.

Feeling Better

I'm feeling much better after I had a good cry last week.  I keep reminding myself that a good night's sleep and some perspective help with a lot of life's ills.  Prayer helps, too.  I have a quote taped to my mirror that I look at everyday.  It says "Today's Test is tomorrow's Testimony".  I like that.  It reminds me that I can get through today and I will be stronger because of it.

Trusting and in Faith

So, about a week ago it hit me, if I hadn't had my miscarriage I would be having my baby any day now.  I felt sad.  I still feel a little sad when I remember.  I know that if I had my baby right now many things would be different in my life.  I would not be involved in some of the good projects I am currently involved in.  I would not have had the energy to can the few jars of tomatoes that did get canned this year.  I would be less available to help others in this their time of need. 

I know that God has a plan for each of our lives.  I believe that His plan is ultimately the best one if we have faith and trust in it.  I don't know why I lost that baby, but I trust that there was a reason and one day I will know that reason.  I also trust that this baby will come when he/she is supposed to.  Trusting and having faith isn't always easy, but when I think about what my life would be without it, it's sure a lot easier than living without some kind of answers. 

It Never Ends....

You know what chore bothers me the most lately?  Well, if you didn't I'm going to tell you, laundry.  It's one of those things that needs done, and it needs to happen often, but not as often as I seem to be doing it.  If I had my way I would have all of the clothes and linens in a separate room instead of in a place where the children can get to them.  I wash too many blankets and sheets because the kids use them to build forts, then leave them on the floor to get mud and dog hair all over them.  I'm also tired of my 3 year old taking all of the clothes out of her drawers looking for something and her big sisters putting all those clean clothes in the laundry basket, only to have a peed pair of panties get tossed on top of them so that I have to wash them all again.

I can't convince my husband to let me have a clothes room, though.  He thinks it's good for the kids to have dressers and closets in their rooms.  I can see his point, but I'm not sure he's seeing my point.  My big girls are pretty much the same size so they basically share all of their clothes.  In fact, besides a few specifics that they have gotten for birthdays or other special occasion, there is no distinguishing who's are who's.  Amazingly enough, they don't fight about it either.  It may change as they get older, but I'm enjoying it for now.  I dream of a room where clothes are sorted by size and gender and not by who they belong to.  I long for a linen closet that stays organized, instead of one where blankest get pulled down and shoved in.  I wish I didn't have to do so much washing, drying, putting away of clothes. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that we have plenty of clothes to wash and blankets to keep us warm all winter.  I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have this problem.  I can't help but reflect how sometimes our greatest blessings can also be great burdens.  I keep thinking I should downsize on the amount of clothes we have, then some child complains that they are out of underwear or can't find any pants and I wonder if I had less clothes would they have enough to wear, since they run out when they have tons?  Maybe I could keep up with the laundry better if I didn't feel so overwhelmed?  Maybe if I didn't have to wash so many blankets, sheets, and towels I could get around to washing their underwear.  If I had all their clothes in one room instead of hiding in each of their rooms maybe I could monitor better what needed to be done?  Did I mention this room would have a lock on it so that they couldn't go in and grab whatever, whenever?  I also think their bedrooms would be cleaner if their clothes weren't in there.  I could be wrong on that one, but I don't think so.