Mourn with those that mourn

I get to have an experience that will give me more empathy.  I get to experience the loss that comes with a miscarriage.  It's not a fun experience.  Miscarriage is a very real experience for many women, though.  I've known of others who've experienced it.  I have even seen women experience, but until now I could only guess at what they were feeling.  Even now, I can only partially relate to them since their beliefs and emotions are likely to be different than mine.  Still, it makes me wonder, is it better to suffer alone, or to share your suffering?

When I found out I was pregnant, I joined an online group of mommies all due the same month I was.  I quickly learned that for many of these women it was easier to tell a stranger online that you were pregnant than it was to tell anyone who might see you face to face.  Many women had experienced miscarriages before, some of them multiple miscarriages.  Most of these women were waiting until they saw the heartbeat before telling anyone, and a good number were waiting until they were out of their first trimester.  We didn't do that. 

After I took that home test and showed it to my husband it wasn't long before we told others.  I've never had any problems in my previous pregnancies and after 4 you sometimes feel like you know what is going on.  We told our family.  We told our kids, who in turn told a lot of other people.  We told some friends.  Then, when I started spotting and a blood test confirmed that my pregnancy was ending it meant a lot of people we would probably need to tell at some point.

There were two ways to go about that.  Do it all at once and get it over with, or wait until someone brought it up and deal with it slowly.  We chose to tell as many people as we could, quickly.  We let family know first.  Then, I sent out a mass text to many of my friends.  I was not able to make phone calls.  I didn't trust my voice.  The amount of love and support I've had have been wonderful.  Friends have brought over meals and sent messages checking up on my.  My in-laws took my kids so that I could relax and take a hot bath and rest.  I've had offers from other to let my kids come to their houses if I need rest and many requesting that I let them know if I need anything.  I may be mourning, but I am not alone. 

Everyone deals with grief differently.  For me, I had a sort of premonition, or feeling, that this might happen.  I didn't want it to, and I was very sad when I got the news, but I can't say that I was really surprised.  I know that isn't the case for many women.  I have complete faith in God that He knows what is best for me and my family.  In this instance, it meant not having this baby right now.  I don't know the reason, and I may never know, but I believe that God knows and I trust Him.  I've held onto that trust through many trials, and it's not let me down yet.  I figure if I'm doing the best I know how that God will make up the rest. I'm still sad.  I experienced a loss and while my faith makes it easier, I'm still sad.  I've shed many tears and I will most likely shed many more as I tell people who hadn't heard or as people who hear come and give me hugs.  Still, I'm able to go on.  I'm able to get back into our routine.  It's good for me and it's good for the kids to have that stability.  I am grateful for all of the hugs, prayers, meals, and support that I've received.  In a way, it makes the mourning easier, too.  I know that others are mourning for my loss with me.  I know that I'm not alone.  If I had it to do over, I don't think I would do any differently, but that is just me.