Thankful Thursday

I feel the need to express some gratitude today.  So, here are 5 things I'm thankful for right now.

1.  My tatting shuttle and thread.  I love that I can take two simple, ordinary things and use them to create something beautiful.  Right now I am working on an American Flag and I can hardly wait to finish it.

2.  Pinterest.  I found a new recipe today that may solve some of my excess squash dilemma.  I don't normally like to bake, but this one looked good.  I've also found many, many other fun crafts, blogs, and homeschooling ideas.

3.  Idaho's homeschooling laws.  I truly feel blessed to live in Idaho and school my children the way I feel they should learn, not the way someone in a big government building thinks they should learn.

4.  My midwife.  I'm glad I found someone who is such a good fit for me and my family, Robert even likes her. 

5.  My piano.  It's not the newest, or the greatest, but it works.  I'm so glad to be able to have music in my home and that my children love music.  I love hearing them practice and make up their own songs.  I love that I recently got to do a duet with my daughter for her piano recital and that we can share this together.

Keeping in Touch With Friends

I'm going to do a little musing and reminiscing here so pardon my nostalgia.  I have been thinking a little lately about letter writing.  I started writing letters when I was still in grade school.  I don't know for sure when, but I do know I moved and wanted to keep in touch with a couple of my friends and former teachers.  I also wrote to my cousins and to my grandparents when they served a mission for our church.  As I entered Junior High and High School I kept up with my letter writing, adding friends I made from other towns, or friends from home when I went away for a couple of months.  I also began to write to missionaries.  At this time e-mail was still pretty new and phone calls could be expensive.  I wrote a lot of letters. 

With all of this letter writing I was able to keep in touch with a lot of friends for quite a while.  Letters from my cousins were some of my most prized possessions because they were some of my best friends.  I shared more thoughts from my heart and in return received many heartfelt letters in return.

Then life changed.  I got busy.  E-mail became more prevalent, and I lost touch with a good many of my friends.  I miss those days of writing letters.  I miss having a tangible expression of friendship and caring that I can read over and over again.

Today we have blogs and facebook.  I have been able to reconnect with some of those friends through these means.  I can read about some of what is going on in their lives and they can read about mine, but it feels impersonal sometimes.  I know that there are many details that I don't put on facebook or on my blog because they are too personal and private to just put out there, but things that I would tell friends if I was talking to them or writing a letter.  I'm sure that they are the same way. 

I'm happy to be able to connect with these friends.  If I am going to be anywhere near them I can get ahold of them and see about getting together.  It is fun to read about their lives, including pictures, for free.  I can't help but feel sad for what is lost, though.  I miss the intimacy of a letter.  I miss the thrill of going out to the mailbox and seeing my name on an envelope, and not having it be a bill.  It is nice to be able to curl up in a chair on in bed and read a letter, instead of sitting in front of a screen.  So, while I think technology is wonderful, I do think some things were better before.

Being There

You know, living on our wanna be farm brings some unique learning experiences.  We got to have one of those the other day.  This year we decided to add sheep to our resume.  We got some bottle lambs and one ewe.  Most of the lambs have done ok.  One of them was a runt, #5 in the batch, and weak.  We tried but she didn't make it longer than a week.  Another one got sick really sudden and died before we knew what was going on.  The kids were very sad in both instances.  They had loved on, played with, and bottle fed those two babies.  Then, we had a third lamb who was a little weaker and we were determined to avoid what happened the other two times.  Unfortunately our efforts didn't work out the way we wanted them too.  This time, though, my daughter was out trying to give him a bottle when he died.  She was holding him.  My daughter will be 9 next month, so she isn't that old.  When she came in crying, I knew what had happened.  She asked me to go out there with her.  So, despite being pregnant and having an aversion to all kinds of smells, I got on my boots and went out with her.  The lamb was in a little shed and the other sheep were outside.  She and I sat in there with little David (the lamb) and I listened to her and held her while she cried.  We talked, we cried, and we prayed together.  She had tried so hard to take care of and help that little lamb.  My husband was at work, but he got home about half an hour after this happened.  He helped our daughter bury her pet and again they prayed and cried and talked.  While they did that, I had gotten into a bath.  Well, I'd only been there about 10 minutes when my daughter came in, crying, and said she needed to cuddle.  I really wanted to stay where I was.  I had knots in my back and shoulders and I was finally relaxing, but I knew where I needed to be, and it wasn't in that nice, warm water.  I got out and she and I cuddled on my bed.  She got her diary out and wrote down some of her feelings.  Then we talked some more, cuddled, and she fell asleep.  My sweet husband slept on the couch that night so that she could stay where she was.  The next day she was doing better.  She wrote in her journal again, but she seems to be more accepting of the fact that David is gone.  I know she misses him, but she is strong.  My heart breaks that she was so sad and learned this lesson so young.  I'm glad for the chance I had to be there with her.  I'm sure this won't be the last time something like this happens and I hope that I can always remember that my children's feelings are important.  I hope that I can be a soft place for them to come to.  A place where they can find safety and peace.  After all, isn't that what a mother is for?

My Own Little Farm

Life has been very busy lately.  In the past my husband and I have talked about getting some kind of livestock to eat down the grass in our orchard.  We've never decided on anything though.   Well, that decision kind of fell in our lap.  A friend of mine raises dairy sheep and it is lambing time for her.  Her life decided to get very busy and she was not wanting to have to bottle feed babies this year and was looking to find homes for those babies.  To make a long story short, we have 11 baby lambs and 1 ewe now.  I am so grateful for the ewe because she is kind to all of the babies and as a bonus, one of the babies is hers and the other babies are able to steal some of her milk so our milk replacer goes just a little bit farther.  She also helps to keep them warm at night and watches over them.  Once they get a little bigger we can put them out in the orchard to eat the grass.  I am excited for that aspect, but I have to admit, I really don't know much about livestock.  I am so glad that my friend lives fairly close and is willing to help mentor us and we get into this.  She has also been telling us about many of the cool things you can do with sheep. 

Of course there is the eating of them.  You can make lamb chops and rack of lamb or whatever.  I'm not a big fan of lamb meat, but my husband likes it.  Also, since these are dairy sheep you can milk them.  The milk is supposed to be quite sweet and very rich.  They told me that it makes excellent ice cream and fudge.  I know you can also drink it plain and make cheese out of it.  Then there is the wool.  My mom has a spinning wheel that she told me I can have so I could make yarn, once I learn how to.  You can also weave the yarn for cloth, or felt the wool.  I have a lot of learning to do.

I told my husband that we are just going to have our own little farm here.  With all that we can do with the sheep, plus our chickens, our orchard, and the really great garden that I'm going to someday have, we are set, as long as we have water.  In a way I'm excited for all of this.  It feels good to think that you can take care of your family.  At the same time, it's a lot of work, and it's work that I've never really done before.  Seriously, I grew up with cats, dogs, and fish.  We had a garden that was mostly tomatoes, a few peppers, and corn, no fruit trees.  My mom didn't can when I was growing up, so I'm learning to do that now.  I did learn to sew and crochet, though.  I think I'm going to go back and read all of the Little House On the Prairie books, they really knew how to take care of themselves.  I'm just really glad I have electricity.

I Found Some Peace

Okay, since I decided to tell all of you about the struggle I've had with my youngest sister, I thought I should also tell you how I have finally found a measure of peace.  I've really struggled with my feelings towards my sister and my perceptions on what I think she is thinking.  I've prayed about this a lot, I've gone to the temple and taken it to the Lord, and I've talked with my sweet husband.  Finally, after thinking about some of the talks given during General Conference, I got an answer.  More of an impression, actually, but it was still an answer to my prayers. 

You see, I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for caring too much.  I know there is a fine line between helping and enabling sometimes, but if we err on the side of helping, as far as our conscience lets us, then we should be okay.  Also, I don't really have a stewardship over my sister except to love her.  I'm not her parent or her ecclesiastical leader, I'm her sister.  I don't have to like what she has done.  I don't think these are the best circumstances for this baby to come into the world, but she's coming.  My sister and her baby are going to need a lot of help, and I need to be there to help her if I can. 

I feel peace with that answer.  It's not up to me to judge my sister's heart.  She already knows how I feel about what she's done.  I will do what I have to to protect my children, we've already had many talks about getting married before having babies.  After all of that is said and done, though, I need to love my sister.  It isn't going to be easy.  I now need to work on building our relationship again.  I've been avoiding her for the last 5 months.  I still have some negative feelings I need to let go of.  They are slowing, but surely, being released.  I hope that by the time this baby joins our family in a couple weeks that I will be ready to love her and her mother with my whole heart.

More in Common Than You Think.

I was thinking about my friends the other day and what an eclectic group of people I know.  As I was thinking this I especially thought about two of my friends that I knew in high school.  One I met in Idaho, another in California.  Each of us had very different backgrounds, and yet we have so many things in common.  So many times high school friends are only that, friends in high school.  That could have been true for these two, but after a number of years we reconnected.  It is so neat to see all of the things we have in common.  All of us are now married and have started families.  All of us became stay at home mommies.  All of us are now homeschooling.  Part of my decision was influenced by one of these friends.  It's true that we have many differences among us.  We have different religious beliefs, different political beliefs and differing ways to raise our children, but we have so many things in common.

Another friend of mine is actually quite a bit older than me.  She is probably closer to my mom's age than mine.  We share a love of food.  We have shared quite a few recipes and even produce from our gardens.  I have friends that I do crafts with, friends that I talk books with, friends that I talk parenting with.  I have friends that make me laugh, friends that I make laugh.  Friends that live far away and friends that aren't so far away.  I have friends who are incredibly outspoken and I have one friend who is amazing at loving everyone she meets.

So what does this have to do with anything?  Well, nothing, and everything.  Wouldn't this world be a very scary place if everyone were the same, or maybe it would be boring, depending on what person we were modeling after.  I am so glad that there are people out there who like to clean and who like to fish and who like to organize and those who like to craft and design clothes and garden and farm.  I am so glad I don't have to know how to do everything, but I can trade what I know and like with someone else who maybe has talents I don't have.  I want to teach my children to look for the good in people.  I want them to look at who a person is on the inside instead of what color their skin is, or what church they go to, or what clubs they belong to.  I want them to judge a person by what they say and do, not what they look like.  I want to teach my children to respect others because we are all children of God.  That doesn't mean that we have to accept or agree with everything someone does, but we can still treat them with respect and find a common ground.

Spirit of Courage

So, I mentioned earlier that I suffer from a touch of anxiety.  I also mentioned that I was in Relief Society at church in Texas when I felt like the lesson had a part that was just for me.  It was just a blurb at the end of the lesson, but it spoke to my heart.

I promise you that if you will respond to the invitation to share your beliefs and feelings about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, a spirit of love and a spirit of courage will be your constant companion, for “perfect love casteth out fear” (1 John 4:18).

Elder L.Tom Perry gave a talk during the October conference in 2011 titled "Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear".  So, there you have it, the way to overcome my anxiety and get rid of my fears.  Okay, so life really isn't that easy, is it.  I've often wondered what it is that I want this blog to be.  I have a separate blog where I share funny stories and pictures of my kids.  I started this one as a place to share my thoughts that I didn't want to share on the family blog.  I know a lot of people who read both.  I enjoy reading craft blogs and cooking blogs.  I like reading about other moms who homeschool.  There are a number of blogs that I read that talk more specifically about their faith.  For some reason I don't feel like I've done that much on my blog despite my faith being a huge part of my life.

Maybe I'm afraid.  Not only am I afraid of what people I see might think of me, I'm afraid that my huge audience of readers (that's like 5 of you) might be offended by something I write, and then nobody will want to read my blog.  Isn't that silly?  I started this as a way to write down my thoughts, but not necessarily for anyone but me to read, and now I'm concerned what someone I don't even see will think.

I have a friend right now who has a lot of questions about God and about my beliefs.  I try to share and answer her questions as best I can, but I don't always get the words out so that she can understand.  I try, but my heart and my mouth don't always connect they way they should.  If only my heart could communicate with my brain, and then my brain could communicate with my mouth, but that takes longer sometimes.  I like to think things through, and if I haven't thought it through then I can't always answer so that my answer is understood.  I'm going to keep trying, though.  I really want that spirit of courage.