Getting Fit

I have a drive to be more fit.... well, sorta. I have a desire that I am trying to turn into a drive. I want to not only be thinner, but I want to have more muscles. I want to be able to not only fit into my old jeans, but also be able to keep up with my kids and do things around my place. We are starting our own little personal farm here and you know what, it's a lot of work! We have trees to prune and water. In the fall there is fruit to harvest. We have a garden that needs taking care of. I finally got a lawn, but that means watering and mowing. I still want some flowers around the place and I need to get out and do that. Plus, there are fences to mend and all kinds of other stuff that Robert mainly does, but I don't want him to have to do it all after working a long day at his job.

So, to be healthier and more fit is a many faced project. I need to get more physical exercise. I'm learning a lot about exercise. There is cardio, which serves one purpose, and strength, which serves another purpose, and you need both to be optimally fit. And don't forget to stretch! Now, activity in any form is good, but if I want to kick it up and be able to move and lift things that are kinda heavy, I need to kick things up a notch.

Another part of being healthier is diet. No, I don't mean eating only cabbage soup for a week. I mean diet is all the things that you do eat. Diet should be a balance of all kinds of things. Food converts to energy which gives you strength to go about your day, but it also supplies vitamins and minerals that help to keep you healthy, or not. Some foods don't have those good things in them. Those are foods you should avoid. Notice the word "should". I have some foods that I really like, that aren't really that great for me. If I don't have those foods in the house then I do pretty good, but if they are around, well, I eat them. Not only do I eat them, I have a tendency to hoard them. I don't want to share and therefore I eat almost all of them. So, in order to not eat some of those things that are not so great for me, I try to keep good things around me. If I'm the only one doing the shopping then we are okay, but if I try to take others, or if others do it because I'm unable to make it to the store, then it's harder.

Being fit and healthy shouldn't just be a phase, it should be a lifestyle. It should be good habits and attitudes. If you have bad habits and attitudes, though, it can be hard to change. I am discovering this as a family. As I offer different choices to my kids they are not so grateful for my consideration to their health. I don't know why they are rebelling over certain things all of a sudden, but they are. One child doesn't like peanut butter so trying to put peanut butter in celery for her, she won't touch it. She also doesn't like beans, and I do quite a bit of cooking with beans. My son barely touches any vegetables, no matter how many times we put them in front of him or how many different ways we fix them to be appealing. I'm hoping that by growing some of our own vegetables this summer that it might help.

The hardest part of any journey is starting. So here is to a great start for the summer and the rest of my life! I WILL strengthen my body, I WILL eat nutritious foods, I WILL set a good example for my kids.

Monday's Miracles

I haven't done these in a while and I am feeling a little ungrateful.

1. Warm showers
2. Dirt
3. Ceiling fans
4. Chickens
5. Revelation

Insecurities

I am an insecure person. Whenever I hear of someone having a bad day or having their feelings hurt, I'm always worried that it was me. You see, I'm not very good with words. I can debate and argue okay, but conversations and trying to explain my heart, not so good. My words trip all over themselves and I just know that my intent is not coming across, so then I talk some more and it just ends up just getting more and more confused.

I had some good friends when I was in high school and college that for reasons I don't fully understand came to really hate me. One such person told how she wanted to smother me with a pillow and watch the life flow out of me. She was someone I really trusted and I don't know what happened to change our relationship. So now I fear getting close to anyone, even though I crave the closeness.

There is a part of me that tries to tell myself that I am doing the best I can. Yes, I will make mistakes, but I would never intentionally hurt anyone. All I can do is try my best to be a good friend and hope others see that. I try to tell myself that if I am trying my best to live my life full of integrity then what others think shouldn't bother me, but it does. I second guess what I've done and think of how I could have done things differently. They say hindsight is 20/20.

One of the things I've noticed about myself is that I want to make sure everything is okay. I want to be involved with everything my friends are involved in so that I can know what is going on and try to make their lives easier. Of course I can't do that. It tends to be viewed as butting in, and nobody likes that. So in the end, I end up creating what I fear. I hope one day to have the knowledge and wisdom to be a good friend. To know when to speak and when to keep quiet. Also, to be able to articulate my thoughts and feelings accurately.