Day 8

1. The dark.  I’ve never quite gotten over my childhood fear
2. Of losing one of my children
3. Of hurting someones feelings
4. Of snakes and spiders, but I put up a good front for the kids.
5. I’m afraid of becoming a young widow
6. Bridges, especially really high ones or those going over large bodies of water (Coranado Bridge)
7. Tied into being afraid of bridges is my fear of heights
8. Failing

Day 9

  

1. My husband is top of this list
2. chocolate 
3. Reading
4. my children 
5. tomatoes fresh off the vine
6. flowers
7. sunrises and sunsets
8. the sound of rain on the roof
9. family get togethers

Day 10

1. Sometimes I miss dating like I did before I was married
2. I am home schooling my kids next year
3. I am addicted to reading blogs
4. I never took my own notes for history, I used my friends notes to quiz them and passed the tests that way
5. I am a tree-hugging granola at heart
6. I love animals, but taking care of them sometimes drives me crazy
7. I have a cookbook fetish
8. I’m a flex-atarian, probably about half of my meals are meat-free
9. I once covered the door of my bedroom in tootsie roll wrappers
10. I’ve always wanted to take singing lessons

Day 1

One of Those Days

Ever had one of those days?  Yeah? Me neither….. oh okay, maybe one or two.  Days where something hits you just wrong, like a telephone call, or a letter, or a text message.  Next thing you know, you want to cry, you are a horrible person, and when is life going to get better?  Then, you sleep on it and the next day realize that life really isn’t that bad, you are too hard on yourself and the crying just means that for some reason you have some extra hormones running through your system.

So, what do you do on those days?  In my case, it was cereal for lunch and hot dogs for dinner.  Some crocheting. My girls were and I decided I should too, and some light reading. First, though,  reading my scriptures and hoping for that calming spirit to enter my heart.  It comes, often after a good night’s sleep, for me.  It is wonderful what a night of rest can do for a person’s outlook.

Lessons Being Learned

This past year we were blessed to have my husband find a new job.  He is working for a stable company that has not only survived during this difficult economy, but has grown!  So, we are blessed, but his new job has also brought about new learning experiences.

You see, he has to do quite a bit of traveling these days.  Now, before I wasn’t used to him being gone overnight very often, and when he was it was only 1-2 days.  Now he is gone for days and even weeks at a time.  Needless to say, I’ve been learning quite a few things, the biggest is to do things on my own. 

I love letting my husband take care of me.  I love that he takes care of a lot of the outside chores for me.  He does the heavy lifting, digging, and mowing that I don’t really like to or want to do.  Lately, though, I’ve had to take that on.  When no one else can run the lawn mower I have two choices, do it myself or let the lawn look bad.  I mow the lawn, even if it means that I have to mow it in 15-20 mile an hour winds because that seems to be the only time I have time.  The chickens need fed and watered each day and they don’t care if it’s cold, raining, or blowing, so out I go to do that.  If the ground needs dug up and turned over to plant the garden, well, that falls on me, too.  Add all of this to the usual cooking, cleaning, and mothering that I already do.  It’s a lot.

Now, before you begin to feel sorry for me, don’t.  Honestly, this has probably been a good thing for me.  I do miss my husband, a LOT in fact, but I think there were some lessons I really needed to learn.  Also, I haven’t been alone or forgotten during this time.  I have some wonderful friends and family to love me and help me.  I have also felt comforted and loved by my Heavenly Father, so I know I’m not really alone.

What about those lessons, though?  Here’s a few of my thoughts on that.  Like I said, I love being taken care of.  I sometimes think maybe I expect too much from my husband.  After a long day of work I still expect him to go out and feed chickens and then pick up that shovel so I can get my stuff done.  I think I need to learn a few things about really taking care of myself and my family.  I need to learn a little independence.  That’s not to say I shouldn’t let my husband take care of me, but maybe I should give him a little more thanks when he does. 

On the other hand, I have a dear friend who was very independent.  She is a tall woman and very strong.  She always felt that her strength gave her a huge feeling of worth.  Well, she got cancer and the treatments weakened her a lot.  She lives on a farm and when she could no longer lift hay bales, instead needing to break them up to carry them, well, that made her feel very little.   She hated needing others to take care of her.  It was a lesson she needed to learn to give up her independence at times.

So is that the way it sometimes goes?  Do we need to find that balance between taking care of ourselves, and letting others take care of us?

Being the only parent home is hard.  I am so incredibly grateful for those times when my husband is home.  Talking to him on the phone just isn’t the same.  I know I am learning to truly appreciate all he does for our family, both in working to earn an income, and in doing things around the house.  I love my kids and I love having them all home with me, but there is no way I can be bother Mother and Father to them.