My Cup Runneth Over

A week ago, today, I was set apart as the Primary Pianist. Good thing I have a piano again, huh? To say I felt inadequate is an understatement. I have always been surrounded by music. My mom played piano the whole time I was growing up and I took lessons for a little while when I was younger, but then life got busy and playing the piano went into the background. After we moved here I got my own piano, but I didn't really play it all that often. Oh, I made token efforts to play and the kids would plink out a tune here and there, but that was all. I am not that good and I'll be the first to tell you that I really should have payed better attention to my piano teacher all those years ago. Still, I believe the the Lord qualifies those whom he calls. As I was struggling to learn one of the songs that I was asked to play I just felt very overwhelmed, so I went into my room and poured out my heart in prayer. As I was doing this, I began to realize that while I will struggle with this, and I will make mistakes, that this is for my good and benefit and also for the benefit of my family. That because I was given this calling, I will improve my talent of playing the piano. My children will have wholesome music in our home and it will be a blessing to us to gather around the piano and sing, much as it was a blessing for me to sing while my mom played in our home growing up. I hope that as I play that my children will come to love and appreciate music. Taylor already wants to learn the piano, but I don't know how to teach her, but maybe that will come, too. I am already seeing an improvement in the songs I've been practicing, which is good since we will be performing them in a couple of weeks. I'm still not sure how I will get all my practicing in since Rachel likes to climb on my lap and play once she hears me playing, but somehow it will come, this I believe. I am truly grateful for this opportunity and even though I do feel overwhelmed at times, I am also at peace.

Life is difficult right now, but the Lord is mindful of me and my family. He knows our needs before we do, like me getting a piano before I knew I would need it. He will strengthen us and support us if we put our trust in Him and let Him lead us. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know it will be wonderful. There is a song from The Forgotten Carols where the singer tells us that she didn't get the things she wanted, but she was given what she needed. What we think we want and what we think we need may not be what we really need, but what we get from the Lord is always for our good, even if it is something that causes us to struggle, like me stumbling through these Christmas songs.

Changes

Change is hard, even when it is good, or maybe especially when it is good. I had a few days a while ago when I really loved cleaning my house. I found joy in vacuuming and washing dishes, happiness in sweeping and folding laundry. For about 2 weeks I regularly got up early and took the dogs out for a walk/jog. I was feeling more energetic, happier and stronger, then life happens. Kids get sick, I get sick, we go out of town for the weekend and schedules get messed up. Daylight Savings time ends! Once again, I am back to my old ways. See, the thing is, the changes I was making really weren't harder to do, and they actually made me feel a whole lot better, but the hard part was mental. It was fixing my thinking and just doing. I think that 90% of the battle is just getting started, to just move! Why is it so hard to change course, though. Why is it so hard to head to the kitchen sink instead of the bookshelf, or to load the laundry instead of just shoving it into a basket? Does 20 minutes of laying in bed awake, not getting up and making me more tired really better than just getting up and walking the dog? No, but it's the getting started. So, here is to getting started!

Unexpected Blessings

Our Heavenly Father is generous and good. A few weeks ago we had a large bill come due and needed some money quickly. There was no truly easy way to come up with that amount, so we sold our piano. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I loved my piano. I loved how pretty it was, I loved sitting at it and hearing the notes come to life under my fingers, I love having the kids plunk out notes and discovering the wonderful world of music. I love how pretty it was mostly, though. I was a little bit prideful about my piano. I felt like it had almost become an idol in my house and I needed to prove my Heavenly Father and myself that the piano was not more important to me than my family or anything else. Now, we sold it to my brother, so it is still in the family and I can go visit it anytime I want, but it is his now, not mine.

I knew we would get another piano someday. I figured it would be a couple of years down the road, but we would get another piano. Well, I went to pick Taylor up from a friend's birthday party and the mom, out of nowhere, asked me if I wanted her piano. She had heard from another friend about my other piano and how sad I was and she had a piano that she was just using for decoration and didn't want in her house anymore, so would I like it? The piano is out of tune, missing a wheel and has a broken hammer, but other than that, it is great. It has all the same keys and will play all the same songs. Robert and one of his friends moved it in last night. It is so nice to hear the sounds of music in our house again.

Monday's Miracles

Christmas Music- I'm going to now admit that I've been listening to it for 2 weeks now, and it drives Robert nuts!

Priesthood blessings.

Pomegranates

Doritos

Carpet & Carpet Shampooers

Thoughts on running

I think I'm starting to get why runners run. We have this puppy who has a lot of energy and needs a lot of exercise. I've read that one of the best things you can do for them is to take them on walks and runs, so that opportunity has fallen mainly to me. This puppy also got sick and we were taking care of him inside, so now he believes he is an inside dog. That means house training him. I really don't want to be cleaning up puppy messes all over my house again. And this dog is a whole lot bigger, so his messes are bigger, too. One of the things that I have discovered is to take him out first thing in the morning to go for a walk/run and let him relieve himself. I would walk for a while, then jog for a while, then walk, then jog. As I was coming to the point where I would start walking after jogging, my legs felt like they were on auto-pilot and were going to keep jogging. I wondered if that is what joggers feel, that almost out of body sensation. If you know me, you know that I don't like running, I don't like sweating, and if exercise isn't also entertaining (like dancing), then I'm really not that into it. Working out with our dogs, though, has stretched me. I even ran in the rain. I can already tell a difference in my lung capacity and my heart is getting stronger, too. I am beginning to see why some people say that running is addicting. So I guess I'll keep it up. I'm a little worried how it will all work out with winter coming, though.

I Like Monday

You know, I have to admit, I actually like Monday. I like the fact that after the weekend has been crazy and not our "normal" schedule that on Monday I can take back control and feel more structured. I like the fun of Saturday and the peace of Sunday, but I like the structure of Monday, too. Monday thru Friday are fairly consistent and when I feel like so many other things in my life may be crazy, I love that these stay fairly the same. Of course there are some deviations to the day. Thursdays we have story time and occasionally I have a meeting in the evening, or a trip to town. And no matter what the past week brought, Monday is a new beginning. A new chance for me to create the kind of home that I want. I can start over on my goals. That is refreshing for me. So, even though I was at my breaking point last week, this week I'm good.

I'm There

Have you ever felt like you've just reached a point where you aren't sure if you can deal with anything anymore? That emotionally you are just spent? I am just about there. I am exhausted and I think if one more thing comes up I may just end up letting my kids raid the fridge for whatever and curl up with a book in my room and not come out for a long time. Actually, that really doesn't sound that bad right now.