Lessons from the Bedside

We have been trying to let Rachel learn to go back to sleep on her own. In other words, we let her cry for a while instead of picking her up everytime she makes a sound. This has led to less sleep at night for many of us. Rachel still sleeps in her crib in our room. The crib is right next to my side of the bed. At night she will wake up, stand up by me and scream at me. I will do whatever I can to soothe her short of actually picking her up and putting her in bed with me. This includes holding her hand, speaking soothingly to her or rubbing her head (she likes that for some reason). I know the whole time she is standing there screaming at me she is wondering why on earth I'm not picking her up and what it is that I'm doing. She just doesn't understand that I'm trying to help her sleep through the night by herself. She doesn't know that I want her to learn and develop skills to take care of herself instead of always relying on me. I'm there to help her and support her, but I'm not going to put her back to sleep anymore.

This got me thinking about my own life. I wonder what things I'm standing there screaming about while my Heavenly Father is holding my hand and trying to speak soothing words to me that I don't hear because I'm screaming? What lessons do I have to learn that will be good for me in the end that I don't want to learn because it isn't as easy? How long until I gain those skills to let go of the hand and listen and learn? I hope that I can become a quick learner, because Rachel sure is taking her time learning to fall back asleep, or maybe it just seems that way because I'm missing out on my sleep.

No more sugar!

I am going off sugar, well mostly. Even though I have lost inches, the numbers on the scale haven't moved. Add to that the fact that I really like sugar, so I binge and crash and then get really cranky. Sugar overload also has a tendency to make me feel depressed and worthless, so I should probably let go of it. I will still eat natural sugars, but this is harder than I thought.

Sugar is in a lot of things. Even something as simple as craisins are coated in sugar. As for breakfast cereals, well, my choices are limited. I have been having Cream of Wheat with honey and dried fruit and it's pretty good. Or, eggs and toast. I have been able to resist the jello and pudding that my kids are fond of making these days. Robert also has not made cookies in like a week, so that has helped.

I am really hoping to be able to stabilize my moods, though. I don't like being a cranky parent, and I don't like feeling bad. Maybe this combined with eating better foods will help with that.

Bragging a bit

Okay, so I need to brag on myself a little bit. I started working out with a few friends a couple of months ago. We've been pretty consistent in our work outs. Monday thru Friday if there is school. I've missed a couple due to sick kids or needing to go to town or whatever, but I make it most of the time. I've noticed small changes here and there, but all those small changes are really starting to add up. I'm not sure that my weight is going down so much right now, but I am still losing inches around my middle and backside. Also, the other day I noticed that I have muscle definition in my legs! I was so excited about that. The best thing of all, though, I actually go through work-out withdrawals if I miss too many. I still don't necessarily like working out and I still don't like to sweat, but I love challenging my muscles and becoming fit. I think by the time summer comes around I'm going to need a whole new wardrobe because my clothes may all be to big :)

Reflecting

I guess it's that time of year when we tend to reflect on what we've done and what we want to do. I posted some goals this past year and I'm happy to say that most of them got accomplished. Not only one room got painted, but 3 this past year. I got Michael's baby blanket done. My sister helped me with Rachel's. I haven't gotten her name on it, but she is able to use it and cuddle with it. I managed to get a garden in and I harvested an eggplant. It might not have been as good a garden as I wanted, but it was better than last year and I know that next year will be even better. I misjudged the amount of squares needed for the curtains in my kitchen, so I have one curtain done and need to make another one. But I did make some good progress on it. As my finishing my hooded sweater, well, I'm not sure I want to do that one anymore. Part of me wants to take it apart and find another use for the yarn. I guess that is why I haven't finished that one. As for my coffee table, well, I need some help with that one and I haven't found a time to get the help I need. It will be on this coming years list again, I think.

All in all, I feel pretty good about what I got done this past year. Along with those goals that I did finish, I also had a baby, did a bunch of miscelaneous sewing projects, read some books, planted some bulbs so I can have pretty flowers in the spring. We also planted a bunch of grass this summer, which means mowing the yard, and taking care of our fruit trees.

I heard a story about a woman who wrote up her New Year's Resolutions and within about 3 weeks had broken all of them, so then she tore those up and came up with some new ones. They included forgiving her children when they drive her up a wall and hoping that her children will do the same for her, not gaining 20 lbs during the year, and recoginizing the progress that she does make. I like that, especially the last one. So many times I get caught up in what I haven't done that I forget all of the good things that I have done. I had the opportunity to get some counseling this summer and one of the exercises that I was challenged to do was everytime I found myself telling myself that I was a nobody that I was to counter that with 4 reasons why that wasn't true. Maybe I do have dirty dishes in the sink, but it's because I cooked a healthy meal that nourished my family. Not everyone may like me, but I do have friends who love me and confide in me. If they feel safe around me then obviously I'm not a nobody.

We all have many things to be greatful for and many talents that make us who we are. All I can do is strive each day to be the best I can.