Being a Woman

I've been pondering a lot lately on what it means to be a woman and most especially what it means for me. I'm not just a woman, I'm a wife and a mother, a sister and an aunt. I have many titles, some of which include Homemaker, Domestic Goddess, Sister, Honey, and Mommy. What does all of that look like and what does it feel like? I know that many of these answers will look different for different people, so just remember, this is me I'm talking about here.

First off, I'm a bit of a girly girl. I don't like sweating, I don't like getting my hands dirty and I do like to dress up. I've been known to ride an emotional roller coaster on more than one occasion without having any other reason than the fact that I'm a girl. It's even worse when I'm pregnant. I'm not very good at housekeeping, but I do love to have things around me be pretty. I like doing crafts like crochet, knitting, tatting, sewing and quilting. I like to do my girls hair and put cute bows and flowers in it. I love talking on the phone or getting together with my girlfriends or sisters or mom and just visiting. I am social.

I believe that men and women are distinctly different and have separate roles in life. I do think that men are hardwired to want to provide and protect. I think that nurturing is hardwired into women. That isn't to say that women can't do as good a job as a man or that a man can't be tender and soft either. To me it means that they are different, but each important. Just as most people have hands and feet, both are important, but each has a different purpose. So it is with men and women. Each could survive without the other, but together life is just easier.

The desire of my heart is to be the best woman that I can be. To be feminine and nurturing and to be an example to my daughters of what it means to be a woman. I asked some friends what they thought of when they heard the word feminine. One friend thought of softness, gentility and grace. One friend thought more of what it looks like, make-up done, hair fixed up and cute clothes. This is what one of my friends had to say, though:
"When I think of "feminine" I think of the most early days of feminism - before it meant "the same as men" -- as opposed to "equal to." I think "feminine" is the very essence of being a woman in all ways - soft but strong, gentle as well as genteel. A woman has an immense amount of power over all the people in her lives, and I believe that a "feminine" woman wields that power wisely and in the best interests of all those over whom she holds sway."
I love that.

No where in there does it mean that someone who is feminine is weak. It doesn't mean that she can't take care of herself or do things for herself. As she said, women have power and that we can choose how we wield that power so that it is "in the best interest of all those over whom she holds sway." We can be soft and gentle without giving up our values and standards.

I also agree that there is a look that is feminine. Here is one place where it is open to interpretation, but my views are this, blue jeans are not feminine. Don't get me wrong, I love my jeans and I know that there are times that my husband thinks they look really great on me, but I don't think that sexy is the same as feminine. Pants in general are not feminine. Skirts and dresses are feminine, but not if they are too short or too revealing. Again, sexy is not the same as feminine. I know a company that strongly suggests that it's female consultants and employees wear skirts with blouses or dresses, hosiery, and pumps. In the studies that they have seen, women are more successful when they look the part of professional, feminine women. I have to agree, dressing like a girl does something to you. Does this mean I go around wearing skirts and dresses all the time, no. In truth, I would like to wear more skirts, but the ones I have right now are more of a dressy style and I don't want to be wearing them everyday. I really want to make me some skirts, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Something that I do try to do everyday is put my make-up on. For me, when my face is put together I feel more put together. Some days I really feel like a harried housewife, but with my make-up on I know that I don't have to look like a harried housewife. Plus, when I was dating my husband I quite often wore make-up and dressed up to look nice for him. Just because we are married and he has seen me at my worst doesn't mean that I always have to look like that for him. He is still important to me and I still want to make myself look nice for him, even if he says I look beautiful no matter what. I've known women who didn't believe in cosmetics and said that they were just an artificial mask or whatever, but then I've heard quoted a man who said that even a barn needs paint. Do I think women need cosmetics, no. At least no in the sense that each woman is a beautiful daughter of God. However, I do think that often when a woman takes the time to make herself look nice, whatever that means to her, then she radiates confidence and self-esteem. For me, that includes wearing make-up. Do I look fine without make-up, yes, do I feel better when I wear it, yes. Do I paint it on so that I don't look like me, no. So, in a nutshell, dress in skirts or dresses, wear make-up to look feminine.

Now, to the role of being a nurturer. Wow, that's a big one. I view this as the primary responsibility of womanhood. For me, my view is changing every day. At one time I embraced the idea of equal in everything as far as housework went. I cooked, he did dishes. I washed the laundry and folded it, he put it away. Now my views are changing on that, however. Robert works hard each day to provide and take care of us. I view it as my responsibility to nurture him and our family and that means taking care of things inside the house. Of course I love it when he helps out, but I don't think I will be expecting it anymore. I say that but old habits die hard and I'm sure that there will be times I slip back into my old ways of thinking. My new way of thinking about it is that I love my family and this is one way I am choosing to show that love for them. So when I get irritated about doing the dishes or picking up all the books that are scattered around, I will just remember that I am showing love for my family and even if they don't realize it that maybe they will feel it. I also hope that this will allow me to feel greater peace and joy as I am vacuuming the floor or folding the laundry.

Nurture is more than housework, though. It is also taking the time to be with each child and understand their personalities and what they need. It is soothing them when they aren't feeling well, rejoicing with them when they've accomplished a difficult task, and mourning with them when they are sad. Nurturing is teaching children the important things in life, that your family loves you no matter what, that you are special and can do hard things with hard work, that the only people you really need to please are yourself and God. Nurturing is saying "no" when it is the best answer and it is saying "yes" when all you really want to do is hold them in your arms and make them stay small. Nurturing is loving those around you in the way that they need to be loved.

This is what I think it means to be a woman and this is what I am working for.