1. Running water
2. The freezer
3. Chickens
4. Dry Erase markers
5. The alarm on my phone
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Appreciation for my Husband
I know I just posted about some of the good things in my life that included my husband, but I would love to expand on this one. I think each year that goes by and each time I visit with girlfriends, I gain a greater appreciation for my husband and our relationship. Things were rocky at times in the beginning and I had to really learn how to communicate better with him. Much of what I said was said in a way that hurt him when I didn't mean it to, but he was patient and gentle enough to let me know what I was doing and work with me as I tried to change. Sometimes I still say things the wrong way, but now I am more mindful and I am trying to be better. Ever since I have known Robert, though, he has always respect what I had to say. He really listens to what I say and often times remembers things that I've said better than I do. I really have to be careful about saying I want something, because the odds are he will remember and try to get it for me.
He has always been respectful of my feelings and moods. He may not understand why I feel the way I do or how my thought process works, but he once told me that even if he doesn't understand my feelings, they are real to me and therefore important to him. He has never tried to get me to do something I've been uncomfortable with. When we were looking to buy a house we did a lot of talking about where we would move and the kind of house we wanted. We didn't always agree and we didn't always communicate very well, but we made it though that time and we are still together. If something is bothering me or if I don't understand something then he will take the time to explain it to me. I love that.
Robert is also quite the romantic. I remember one birthday in particular. I was working that day and when he came to pick me up he told me that he had arranged a babysitter for us. I can't remember if we had one child or two, but we dropped them off with my sister-in-law and then went to our apartment. I got to take a nice, long bubble bath with no distractions while Robert cooked us a yummy dinner. We had fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and a salad. We ate this by candlelight on our little dining table. Then I got a relaxing back rub. He's the greatest, isn't he?
He has always been respectful of my feelings and moods. He may not understand why I feel the way I do or how my thought process works, but he once told me that even if he doesn't understand my feelings, they are real to me and therefore important to him. He has never tried to get me to do something I've been uncomfortable with. When we were looking to buy a house we did a lot of talking about where we would move and the kind of house we wanted. We didn't always agree and we didn't always communicate very well, but we made it though that time and we are still together. If something is bothering me or if I don't understand something then he will take the time to explain it to me. I love that.
Robert is also quite the romantic. I remember one birthday in particular. I was working that day and when he came to pick me up he told me that he had arranged a babysitter for us. I can't remember if we had one child or two, but we dropped them off with my sister-in-law and then went to our apartment. I got to take a nice, long bubble bath with no distractions while Robert cooked us a yummy dinner. We had fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and a salad. We ate this by candlelight on our little dining table. Then I got a relaxing back rub. He's the greatest, isn't he?
Being a Woman
I've been pondering a lot lately on what it means to be a woman and most especially what it means for me. I'm not just a woman, I'm a wife and a mother, a sister and an aunt. I have many titles, some of which include Homemaker, Domestic Goddess, Sister, Honey, and Mommy. What does all of that look like and what does it feel like? I know that many of these answers will look different for different people, so just remember, this is me I'm talking about here.
First off, I'm a bit of a girly girl. I don't like sweating, I don't like getting my hands dirty and I do like to dress up. I've been known to ride an emotional roller coaster on more than one occasion without having any other reason than the fact that I'm a girl. It's even worse when I'm pregnant. I'm not very good at housekeeping, but I do love to have things around me be pretty. I like doing crafts like crochet, knitting, tatting, sewing and quilting. I like to do my girls hair and put cute bows and flowers in it. I love talking on the phone or getting together with my girlfriends or sisters or mom and just visiting. I am social.
I believe that men and women are distinctly different and have separate roles in life. I do think that men are hardwired to want to provide and protect. I think that nurturing is hardwired into women. That isn't to say that women can't do as good a job as a man or that a man can't be tender and soft either. To me it means that they are different, but each important. Just as most people have hands and feet, both are important, but each has a different purpose. So it is with men and women. Each could survive without the other, but together life is just easier.
The desire of my heart is to be the best woman that I can be. To be feminine and nurturing and to be an example to my daughters of what it means to be a woman. I asked some friends what they thought of when they heard the word feminine. One friend thought of softness, gentility and grace. One friend thought more of what it looks like, make-up done, hair fixed up and cute clothes. This is what one of my friends had to say, though:
"When I think of "feminine" I think of the most early days of feminism - before it meant "the same as men" -- as opposed to "equal to." I think "feminine" is the very essence of being a woman in all ways - soft but strong, gentle as well as genteel. A woman has an immense amount of power over all the people in her lives, and I believe that a "feminine" woman wields that power wisely and in the best interests of all those over whom she holds sway."
I love that.
No where in there does it mean that someone who is feminine is weak. It doesn't mean that she can't take care of herself or do things for herself. As she said, women have power and that we can choose how we wield that power so that it is "in the best interest of all those over whom she holds sway." We can be soft and gentle without giving up our values and standards.
I also agree that there is a look that is feminine. Here is one place where it is open to interpretation, but my views are this, blue jeans are not feminine. Don't get me wrong, I love my jeans and I know that there are times that my husband thinks they look really great on me, but I don't think that sexy is the same as feminine. Pants in general are not feminine. Skirts and dresses are feminine, but not if they are too short or too revealing. Again, sexy is not the same as feminine. I know a company that strongly suggests that it's female consultants and employees wear skirts with blouses or dresses, hosiery, and pumps. In the studies that they have seen, women are more successful when they look the part of professional, feminine women. I have to agree, dressing like a girl does something to you. Does this mean I go around wearing skirts and dresses all the time, no. In truth, I would like to wear more skirts, but the ones I have right now are more of a dressy style and I don't want to be wearing them everyday. I really want to make me some skirts, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Something that I do try to do everyday is put my make-up on. For me, when my face is put together I feel more put together. Some days I really feel like a harried housewife, but with my make-up on I know that I don't have to look like a harried housewife. Plus, when I was dating my husband I quite often wore make-up and dressed up to look nice for him. Just because we are married and he has seen me at my worst doesn't mean that I always have to look like that for him. He is still important to me and I still want to make myself look nice for him, even if he says I look beautiful no matter what. I've known women who didn't believe in cosmetics and said that they were just an artificial mask or whatever, but then I've heard quoted a man who said that even a barn needs paint. Do I think women need cosmetics, no. At least no in the sense that each woman is a beautiful daughter of God. However, I do think that often when a woman takes the time to make herself look nice, whatever that means to her, then she radiates confidence and self-esteem. For me, that includes wearing make-up. Do I look fine without make-up, yes, do I feel better when I wear it, yes. Do I paint it on so that I don't look like me, no. So, in a nutshell, dress in skirts or dresses, wear make-up to look feminine.
Now, to the role of being a nurturer. Wow, that's a big one. I view this as the primary responsibility of womanhood. For me, my view is changing every day. At one time I embraced the idea of equal in everything as far as housework went. I cooked, he did dishes. I washed the laundry and folded it, he put it away. Now my views are changing on that, however. Robert works hard each day to provide and take care of us. I view it as my responsibility to nurture him and our family and that means taking care of things inside the house. Of course I love it when he helps out, but I don't think I will be expecting it anymore. I say that but old habits die hard and I'm sure that there will be times I slip back into my old ways of thinking. My new way of thinking about it is that I love my family and this is one way I am choosing to show that love for them. So when I get irritated about doing the dishes or picking up all the books that are scattered around, I will just remember that I am showing love for my family and even if they don't realize it that maybe they will feel it. I also hope that this will allow me to feel greater peace and joy as I am vacuuming the floor or folding the laundry.
Nurture is more than housework, though. It is also taking the time to be with each child and understand their personalities and what they need. It is soothing them when they aren't feeling well, rejoicing with them when they've accomplished a difficult task, and mourning with them when they are sad. Nurturing is teaching children the important things in life, that your family loves you no matter what, that you are special and can do hard things with hard work, that the only people you really need to please are yourself and God. Nurturing is saying "no" when it is the best answer and it is saying "yes" when all you really want to do is hold them in your arms and make them stay small. Nurturing is loving those around you in the way that they need to be loved.
This is what I think it means to be a woman and this is what I am working for.
First off, I'm a bit of a girly girl. I don't like sweating, I don't like getting my hands dirty and I do like to dress up. I've been known to ride an emotional roller coaster on more than one occasion without having any other reason than the fact that I'm a girl. It's even worse when I'm pregnant. I'm not very good at housekeeping, but I do love to have things around me be pretty. I like doing crafts like crochet, knitting, tatting, sewing and quilting. I like to do my girls hair and put cute bows and flowers in it. I love talking on the phone or getting together with my girlfriends or sisters or mom and just visiting. I am social.
I believe that men and women are distinctly different and have separate roles in life. I do think that men are hardwired to want to provide and protect. I think that nurturing is hardwired into women. That isn't to say that women can't do as good a job as a man or that a man can't be tender and soft either. To me it means that they are different, but each important. Just as most people have hands and feet, both are important, but each has a different purpose. So it is with men and women. Each could survive without the other, but together life is just easier.
The desire of my heart is to be the best woman that I can be. To be feminine and nurturing and to be an example to my daughters of what it means to be a woman. I asked some friends what they thought of when they heard the word feminine. One friend thought of softness, gentility and grace. One friend thought more of what it looks like, make-up done, hair fixed up and cute clothes. This is what one of my friends had to say, though:
"When I think of "feminine" I think of the most early days of feminism - before it meant "the same as men" -- as opposed to "equal to." I think "feminine" is the very essence of being a woman in all ways - soft but strong, gentle as well as genteel. A woman has an immense amount of power over all the people in her lives, and I believe that a "feminine" woman wields that power wisely and in the best interests of all those over whom she holds sway."
I love that.
No where in there does it mean that someone who is feminine is weak. It doesn't mean that she can't take care of herself or do things for herself. As she said, women have power and that we can choose how we wield that power so that it is "in the best interest of all those over whom she holds sway." We can be soft and gentle without giving up our values and standards.
I also agree that there is a look that is feminine. Here is one place where it is open to interpretation, but my views are this, blue jeans are not feminine. Don't get me wrong, I love my jeans and I know that there are times that my husband thinks they look really great on me, but I don't think that sexy is the same as feminine. Pants in general are not feminine. Skirts and dresses are feminine, but not if they are too short or too revealing. Again, sexy is not the same as feminine. I know a company that strongly suggests that it's female consultants and employees wear skirts with blouses or dresses, hosiery, and pumps. In the studies that they have seen, women are more successful when they look the part of professional, feminine women. I have to agree, dressing like a girl does something to you. Does this mean I go around wearing skirts and dresses all the time, no. In truth, I would like to wear more skirts, but the ones I have right now are more of a dressy style and I don't want to be wearing them everyday. I really want to make me some skirts, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Something that I do try to do everyday is put my make-up on. For me, when my face is put together I feel more put together. Some days I really feel like a harried housewife, but with my make-up on I know that I don't have to look like a harried housewife. Plus, when I was dating my husband I quite often wore make-up and dressed up to look nice for him. Just because we are married and he has seen me at my worst doesn't mean that I always have to look like that for him. He is still important to me and I still want to make myself look nice for him, even if he says I look beautiful no matter what. I've known women who didn't believe in cosmetics and said that they were just an artificial mask or whatever, but then I've heard quoted a man who said that even a barn needs paint. Do I think women need cosmetics, no. At least no in the sense that each woman is a beautiful daughter of God. However, I do think that often when a woman takes the time to make herself look nice, whatever that means to her, then she radiates confidence and self-esteem. For me, that includes wearing make-up. Do I look fine without make-up, yes, do I feel better when I wear it, yes. Do I paint it on so that I don't look like me, no. So, in a nutshell, dress in skirts or dresses, wear make-up to look feminine.
Now, to the role of being a nurturer. Wow, that's a big one. I view this as the primary responsibility of womanhood. For me, my view is changing every day. At one time I embraced the idea of equal in everything as far as housework went. I cooked, he did dishes. I washed the laundry and folded it, he put it away. Now my views are changing on that, however. Robert works hard each day to provide and take care of us. I view it as my responsibility to nurture him and our family and that means taking care of things inside the house. Of course I love it when he helps out, but I don't think I will be expecting it anymore. I say that but old habits die hard and I'm sure that there will be times I slip back into my old ways of thinking. My new way of thinking about it is that I love my family and this is one way I am choosing to show that love for them. So when I get irritated about doing the dishes or picking up all the books that are scattered around, I will just remember that I am showing love for my family and even if they don't realize it that maybe they will feel it. I also hope that this will allow me to feel greater peace and joy as I am vacuuming the floor or folding the laundry.
Nurture is more than housework, though. It is also taking the time to be with each child and understand their personalities and what they need. It is soothing them when they aren't feeling well, rejoicing with them when they've accomplished a difficult task, and mourning with them when they are sad. Nurturing is teaching children the important things in life, that your family loves you no matter what, that you are special and can do hard things with hard work, that the only people you really need to please are yourself and God. Nurturing is saying "no" when it is the best answer and it is saying "yes" when all you really want to do is hold them in your arms and make them stay small. Nurturing is loving those around you in the way that they need to be loved.
This is what I think it means to be a woman and this is what I am working for.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Some of the Good Things
I feel like I've been blogging and ruminating on all my troubles and confusions that I have neglected to remember all the good thing in my life. I may have a few troubles and bumps in the road, but my blessings far outweigh my trials. So, here are a couple of things that are really great about my life:
My husband. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me in all that I do. He is sensitive to my emotions and needs. His very presence helps me to feel more calm. He is also a wonderful father. He plays with the kids and gets up with them in the middle of the night so that I can sleep. Yeah, Robert is a definate blessing in my life.
My children. I learn so many things from them and they bring such sunshine into my day. I sometimes forget how much fun a few sticks and rocks can be. They remind me to look at the clouds and see what shapes I can find, or the joy of just snuggling on the couch with a bunch of kids reading a book. There is something peaceful about snuggling with a child and having them fall asleep on your lap. They may bring noise into the house, but they also bring me peace.
My extended family. I am so blessed to have so much of my family close by. If I need to run errands in town then my kids can play with their cousins. There has also been more than one Sunday where the two older girls were left sitting with Grandma and Grandpa because both Robert and I were out with one of the little ones. The kids get to go out irrigating with Grandpa and they love that. My parents are a short drive away and they have helped in numerous ways, like sharing of the bounty of their garden. Add to all of that all the wonderful technology that allows us to keep in touch with family that is not close by. Telephones, the internet, and webcams have helped keep us in touch.
This beautiful spot of land where I live. It may be a struggle to get a lawn in and the wind may blow, but it is ours to do with what we want. We have fruit trees and a garden to supply us with food during the summer and fall months. We can do what we want and plant what we want here, as long as it is legal. We can have our pets, and someday we will most likely have some livestock, too. We have some of the prettiest sunrises and sunsets out here without building all over to get in the way. Without light pollution we can see millions of stars at night and it is beautiful!
My church and my testimony. This should have been the first thing on my list, but it is the one that I get the most comfort from. I know that I am a daugher of God. I know that if I put my trust in Him then life is good, maybe not in the way I think it should be, but life is good. I find peace in knowing that my Savior is always with me and that He understands what it is I am going through. I know that when I do my best, even though I'm not perfect, that He will make up the difference and help make things work out in my best interest. I know that I can have my family with me forever and that is one of the things that really matters in life. I am not always good with words, and I don't know how to explain feelings, but I do know that when I think about Jesus Christ and all that He has done for me, I'm in awe. I've had so many examples in my life where things came at what was really the best time, even though it wasn't the time I would have chosen.
So, even when the little things crowd around and make life seem super crazy, there are a couple of things that don't change and they are the things that really matter to me. There are more than what I have listed, but for now, these are some of the good things in life.
My husband. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me in all that I do. He is sensitive to my emotions and needs. His very presence helps me to feel more calm. He is also a wonderful father. He plays with the kids and gets up with them in the middle of the night so that I can sleep. Yeah, Robert is a definate blessing in my life.
My children. I learn so many things from them and they bring such sunshine into my day. I sometimes forget how much fun a few sticks and rocks can be. They remind me to look at the clouds and see what shapes I can find, or the joy of just snuggling on the couch with a bunch of kids reading a book. There is something peaceful about snuggling with a child and having them fall asleep on your lap. They may bring noise into the house, but they also bring me peace.
My extended family. I am so blessed to have so much of my family close by. If I need to run errands in town then my kids can play with their cousins. There has also been more than one Sunday where the two older girls were left sitting with Grandma and Grandpa because both Robert and I were out with one of the little ones. The kids get to go out irrigating with Grandpa and they love that. My parents are a short drive away and they have helped in numerous ways, like sharing of the bounty of their garden. Add to all of that all the wonderful technology that allows us to keep in touch with family that is not close by. Telephones, the internet, and webcams have helped keep us in touch.
This beautiful spot of land where I live. It may be a struggle to get a lawn in and the wind may blow, but it is ours to do with what we want. We have fruit trees and a garden to supply us with food during the summer and fall months. We can do what we want and plant what we want here, as long as it is legal. We can have our pets, and someday we will most likely have some livestock, too. We have some of the prettiest sunrises and sunsets out here without building all over to get in the way. Without light pollution we can see millions of stars at night and it is beautiful!
My church and my testimony. This should have been the first thing on my list, but it is the one that I get the most comfort from. I know that I am a daugher of God. I know that if I put my trust in Him then life is good, maybe not in the way I think it should be, but life is good. I find peace in knowing that my Savior is always with me and that He understands what it is I am going through. I know that when I do my best, even though I'm not perfect, that He will make up the difference and help make things work out in my best interest. I know that I can have my family with me forever and that is one of the things that really matters in life. I am not always good with words, and I don't know how to explain feelings, but I do know that when I think about Jesus Christ and all that He has done for me, I'm in awe. I've had so many examples in my life where things came at what was really the best time, even though it wasn't the time I would have chosen.
So, even when the little things crowd around and make life seem super crazy, there are a couple of things that don't change and they are the things that really matter to me. There are more than what I have listed, but for now, these are some of the good things in life.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Mixed emotions
The beginning of the school year brings mixed feelings for me. My girls are so excited and I'm excited for them. They will get to reunite with old friends, make new friends, open brand new school supplies and learn new things. The hard part for me is that I don't know what is going on when they are playing on the playground. I don't know if kids are being mean, or crude, or worse. I don't know how the teacher is answering their questions about life and society and morality. I don't know what books they are reading or having read to them. I don't know all of their friends and what their homes are like. And what if I do know and I don't fully agree with something? This is a small town and little splashes make big waves.
I have a couple of friends who homeschool their children. I love the idea. I love the fact that I could be the one teaching them right and wrong, teaching them what I believe about morality and God. I love to have them near me and share with me the exciting things they find and discover. My son has discovered that blue and yellow make green and he's only 3 (he discovered this by peeing into a toilet that had a blue cleaning tablet in it). He was so excited by his discovery and I'm glad that I was there for him to tell me. Yet, even though I love the idea, I'm not ready for this.
I have to admit, when school started this year, along with all my fears and concerns, there was a little bit of relief. This past year has been difficult for me, dealing with some postpartum depression and learning to cope with and without medication. Dealing with issues concerning Robert's employment and how that has affected our family. Having thoughts and feelings challenged in numerous ways and trying to figure out what I believe and how to make the changes to my life. I'm still figuring all this out. I want to teach my children how to be happy, centered people, but I can't do that until I become more centered myself. I think that is what I am doing now. I feel guilty for handing my girls over to someone else for a large portion of their day, but for right now, for me, I need to. Someday I want all my kids home with me. I want to see them love learning and excelling in their studies. I want to watch them as they discover the world around them, but right now if I was to bring my girls home, I'm not sure I would be helping them. That is a tough pill to swallow, so I better get moving so that I am worthy of my children and ready to be that teacher that they need.
I have a couple of friends who homeschool their children. I love the idea. I love the fact that I could be the one teaching them right and wrong, teaching them what I believe about morality and God. I love to have them near me and share with me the exciting things they find and discover. My son has discovered that blue and yellow make green and he's only 3 (he discovered this by peeing into a toilet that had a blue cleaning tablet in it). He was so excited by his discovery and I'm glad that I was there for him to tell me. Yet, even though I love the idea, I'm not ready for this.
I have to admit, when school started this year, along with all my fears and concerns, there was a little bit of relief. This past year has been difficult for me, dealing with some postpartum depression and learning to cope with and without medication. Dealing with issues concerning Robert's employment and how that has affected our family. Having thoughts and feelings challenged in numerous ways and trying to figure out what I believe and how to make the changes to my life. I'm still figuring all this out. I want to teach my children how to be happy, centered people, but I can't do that until I become more centered myself. I think that is what I am doing now. I feel guilty for handing my girls over to someone else for a large portion of their day, but for right now, for me, I need to. Someday I want all my kids home with me. I want to see them love learning and excelling in their studies. I want to watch them as they discover the world around them, but right now if I was to bring my girls home, I'm not sure I would be helping them. That is a tough pill to swallow, so I better get moving so that I am worthy of my children and ready to be that teacher that they need.
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