2011 Review

I had one goal this past year, to simplify my life.  I think I did well in some areas, and not so good in others.  On another blog instead of defining new goals, she looked at the things she did get done this past year.  I like that idea, so, here's some of what I did:


I did clear out a bunch of "stuff" from my house.  I went through our books and purged the ones that I felt were less needed and filled the shelves with more substantial reading, including children's stories.  I also went through my clothes and some of the kids clothes.  We have gotten rid of more toys than we have accumulated this past year which is also good.

I gained a new appreciation for single moms and learned I can make it on my own when my husband has to travel for a week or two at a time.

We still had family scripture study and family prayer while husband was gone.

I learned how to split wood. 

I extended the life of many of my girls pairs of pants and shirts by turning them into skirts and dresses.  I also patched many of my son's pants and made the patches look cool.

I read a number of "classic" books that were on my to-read list.

I don't know what the New Year will bring, but I hope to keep on improving in all areas.  I think that is my all time goal and doesn't just go from January to December.  Of course, the specifics will change, as will the focus, at different times.  I just want to end 2012 a better person than when I started.

Struggling With a Few Things

As I mentioned before, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Lds or Mormon).  Our leaders a number of years ago issued a statement about some of our beliefs.  They called it The Family:  A Proclamation To The World.  In this Proclamation it states:

We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

and

Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

 These are things that my parents taught us since we were little.  I know many other families teach similar things to their children.  Sometimes kids listen and sometimes they don't.  I did, my sister didn't.

Right now my sister is pregnant.  She is not married and right now there is no chance of her marrying the father of her baby because he is married to someone else.  It doesn't matter that he was separated from his wife when he helped my sister sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to go and live with him.  After getting her pregnant he decided that he still loved his wife and wanted to get back together with her and basically told my sister to take a hike.  What a charming guy, huh?

Right now I am all kinds of torn up inside.  I am mad at my sister.  I am mad that she has betrayed us.  I am mad that she is using my parents.  I am upset because she seems to think that this is all okay and she doesn't see anything wrong with living with a married man and getting pregnant by him.  I love my sister, she is family after all.  I want to help her though this because I know pregnancy can be really hard.  I don't want my sister to think that I think this is in anyway okay, though.  It would be a difficult situation at best, but you also add to the fact that my sister has a mental disorder and she cannot take her medication while she is pregnant. 

If I lived far away this would be a mute issue.  I would let her and my parents and whoever deal with it and I wouldn't have to hardly see or talk to my sister.  That isn't the case, though.  She lives with my parents, who live about 25 minutes from me.  It's the holiday season and we are getting together fairly often, and right now she is staying with me.  My parents are having some remodeling done on their house so my sister is staying at mine for a week or maybe longer.  I get to see my sister every day.  She eats meals with us.  She reads with us when we have family scripture time and family prayers.  My kids beg her to read them stories and after bed times she and I chat until it's time for me to go to sleep.  I know this can all be a wonderful opportunity to bond with my sister, but it's also stressing me out.  I don't like confrontations and I am not comfortable when she starts talking about the baby.  I think that baby deserves something a lot better than being raised by my sister.  She is also in contact with the father's family quite often.  She will quite frequently refer to them as her family also.  She calls his mother "Mom" and tried to tell my children that his niece was her niece.  I did correct that one, but maybe not in the nicest way.  It just galls me.  I don't want things to be uncomfortable since she will be here for a while, but I don't want her teaching my children that it's okay to have a baby and not be married, in fact, not have anything to do with the baby's father.  I am trying to teach my children the values I was raised with.  At the same time, I want to teach my children to love people, even if you don't love their actions.  We believe that we are all sons and daughters of God and therefore all brothers and sisters.  I don't want to confront my sister but I don't think I can go on and just change the subject whenever she brings something up that is uncomfortable.  I am just so unprepared to handle this.

I know my children will learn more from my actions than from things I say so I want to teach them right.  I want to teach them to stand up for their beliefs, and teach them to respect that others may believe differently.  I want to teach them to be good parents, and that means thinking about your children more than yourself.  I want to teach them that being a parent is a wonderful thing, but it's not something to get into on a whim, it's also a very challenging job.  I don't want to teach them to run from, hide from, or avoid all confrontation (which is what I like to do).  It's not good to go out seeking an argument or fight, but some things need to be stood up for and that may mean standing up to someone.  Maybe I'm just too nice.

I Have Seen a Miracle

I have seen a miracle.  A friend of mine's son died a week ago.  Through modern medicine and the power of God he is alive today.  After he died his heart was shocked back into working, but it was only working at 10%.  His organ were shutting down and they had to cool down his body and then warm it up again.  My friend was told first that they didn't expect him to make it.  After they cooled his body down she was told that they didn't expect him to wake up.  A friend of the boy, who is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, asked him if he would like a priesthood blessing.  He said yes.  I talked to my friend a couple hours before the blessing, she is not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  She was so worried.  Her son was awake, but was hooked up to tubes and monitors.  She didn't know what was going to happen and she was so worried.  The next day I got a quick note saying her son was talking and then the following day she told me he was going to be released the next day.  I saw them on Saturday.  He was walking, talking and acting like a normal 19 year-old boy.  I wanted to cry happy tears.  Me and my family were all praying for my friend and her son.  I know there were many others praying as well.  The doctors and nurses have never seen anything like it.  His heart went from 10% to 100% in less than 5 days.  He has suffered some memory loss, and they are still monitoring him, but his is alive and functioning.  He can sit and visit with friends and family, he was playing with my daughter.  It is a miracle, and I am humbled to see it.

Monday's Miracles

It's Monday again!  I'm undecided on my feelings for Monday.  I love that after a crazy weekend it's a chance to jump back into routines again, but it also means that I have to get back to doing laundry.

1.  Shovels.  Out here in the country they are especially useful
2.  Straws.  Did you know you can make a whistle out of a straw?  My mom taught me that.  I have not taught my children that yet, though.
3.  Aunts and Uncles.  My kids love theirs, and I am grateful for all they do for my kids.
4.  Canning.  I love that I can preserve my summer bounty to eat during the cold winter months.  I also love that it tastes so much better than stuff I buy from a store.
5.  Clear Vinyl.  We put a map on our table and used some clear vinyl as a tablecloth.  The kids love looking for countries and seeing the different flags of each country.

My Right to Think and Believe

A friend posted a random question on Facebook that got me thinking.  He asked if people believed free thinking would send them to Hell.  A little off the wall question but the short discussion that followed got me thinking.

My basic answer to that question is no, I don't believe that thinking something through, or studying it will send you to Hell.  I do believe that our brains were given to us for us to use.  We should study things out and decide if they are good or bad.  That being said, we are responsible for our thoughts.  If we know something is bad and we continue to think about it that could have a negative impact on our salvation.

It was also asked why were some religious people taking it WAY too seriously?  I don't have an answer to that.  I know what I believe.  I would consider myself a religious person.  I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, sometimes referred to as "Mormons".  I go to church every Sunday.  As a family we pray over meals and read scriptures together at night before kneeling as a family for prayer again.  I attend our temples as often as I can and quite often participate in week day church activities.  Yes, I would classify myself as religious.  That being said, I realize that not all good people believe the same as I do.  I know many people who would classify themselves as more spiritual than religious.  These are good people.  I believe in what our 11th Article of Faith says,

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

Of course I would be overjoyed if everyone in the whole world decided to join my church.  I would love for the world to hold to the same virtues and standards and beliefs that I have, but that isn't the case.  I will defend my beliefs and stand up for the things that I think are right and stand against the things I think are wrong.  If someone tries to take away my freedoms I will defend that.

Case in point.  A while ago there was a bill on a state's ballet that would legalize marijuana.  Now, I am not a supporter of any addicting substances.  I don't drink or smoke.  For those reasons, I would have voted against the measure, but I can understand why people would vote for it.  I don't believe that would have taken away any of my freedoms unless by passing it grocery stores that sell tobacco would also be required to also sell marijuana and I didn't want to do that.  If it was telling me I would be punished for not agreeing to sell something I didn't believe in, that would be taking away my freedoms.

There has been a lot of discussion on Proposition 8 from California.  As with the stance of my faith, I don't believe homosexuality is right.  I grant that those feelings and urges are real for a number of people, but I still don't agree with it.  I may believe that a relationship is wrong without believe that the people in the relationship are bad people.  Going along with the above quote, I believe that people may think and choose according to the dictates of their own conscience, but please don't punish me for disagreeing with you.  I don't care who you have a relationship with.  I do care that you want me to have to accept it as okay and normal.  If the state wants to accept such unions as valid, fine, but please don't make my church perform the union if we don't believe in it.

In summary to the discussion, we should all use our minds and intellect to think about and ponder issues.  We should study it out in our minds and then act according to our conscience.  We should also realize that others may come to a different conclusions, they come from a different background and may have different information.  Above all, we should realize that all people should be treated with love and respect. 

A quote a friend once told me in college really stuck with me.  It was something like this "Please don't judge me because I choose to sin differently than you do".  It's true.  We are all sinners.  

Monday's Miracles

1.  Babies.  They are so cute and sweet and innocent.  A good reminder of how precious life is.

2.  A living prophet to guide us, encourage us, and teach us.

3.  Heaters.  I'm so glad I don't have to rely solely on fire to keep me warm.

4.  Electric lights.  Seriously something I take for granted way too often.

5.  My vacuum.  I seriously love that I have one that works.  Since my husband and kids love all this carpet it's good to have a vacuum, especially when you have inside pets.

Motivation

I have lost my motivation.  Is that something you lose, or something you make?  Either way, I have very little right now.  For a few weeks I was getting up early, letting the dogs out, coming in, reading scriptures, some light exercising, and then doing my computer stuff, all before the kids woke up.  Now, I'm lucky to be up before the kids.  My alarm goes off, and I go back to sleep, or to at least laying in bed longer.  The worst part is when I can't go back to sleep, I know I won't go back to sleep, and yet I still don't get up.  This bout of laziness is just horrible!

I know the best thing to do would be to just push through it.  When my alarm goes off, get up and get moving.  Make myself DO something productive, anything productive.  Where is my willpower?  It's a vicious cycle.  The more I don't do anything, the less motivation I have to start, but once I do start, I know it will be easier to do it again.  With the days getting shorter, though, I'm missing the sun as my cue to awaken.  I'm sure there has to be some kind of scientific study that states it's harder for people to wake up early when the sun is coming up later and later.  Maybe I can find that study and see if they have any advice for me.

Just tell me and I'll do it

As a Mom, don't you just love it when you step into the bathroom and all of a sudden all of your kids have questions that need answered RIGHT NOW!  I know I can't be the only one this has happened to.  This happened, again, to me the other day.  My son was trying to ask me a question.  Well, normally I am pretty good at understand 4 year old speak, and my 4 year old does speak fairly clearly, but through a door when I have something else on my mind, I wasn't hearing him very well.  I was trying to tell him to just wait a few minutes, I would be out soon and then I could answer his question.  Then, I heard very clearly through the door "Mom, just tell me and I'll do it!"  I did finally understand what he was asking me, and I gave him an answer, but his response really stuck with me.  It impressed itself so firmly in my mind that I had to take a dry-erase marker that was near by and write it on my mirror so I wouldn't forget.  (Hey, having dry-erase markers in the bathroom really is not that strange, is it?)  It's now been there for over a week and I keep looking at it. 

The thing is, I know I could have told my son just about anything and he would have done it.  He was asking me where to put the shells when he peeled his hard-boiled egg.  I could have told him to peel it outside and he would have done it.  I could have told him to put the shells into a bowl, peel it over the trash, or put them all into a plastic bag to scatter in the rocks of the driveway and he would have done it.  It wouldn't have mattered how silly they may have sounded to him, he would have done what I told him.  How often are we as willing to listen?

How often do we pray or ask for advice, but we are only willing to do what we are told if it fits in with what we want to do?  We pray for guidance and assistance, but then when we get our answers we decide maybe we didn't really need help, that couldn't be what we need to do.  My son may not have understood the reason for pealing his egg outside (so the shells didn't make a mess inside), but he would have trusted me and done it.  Do we have enough trust to just go forward and do it?  I'm not sure I do, but when Jesus told us to be as little children, I think may have been part of what he meant.  I know that thanks to my son's innocent remark I will be thinking more about my willingness to do and maybe quit trying to guess the reasons why and just trust.

Anxiety Attacks

I don't know how many people deal with anxiety issues, but I know I am among them.  I would imagine it's a lot higher than most people realize.  There are probably many people who are like me that know there is something going on with them, but don't have a name for what it is.   At one point in time I was worried that I had depression, which is common in my family, and I went in to see a doctor.  They actually diagnosed me with anxiety.  So, now I have a name to define what I'm feeling. 

I've dealt with anxiety for a long time.  I remember in college that there was a co-worker who made my life at work kinda miserable.  I would shake and cry before going into work if I knew she was working with me.  At another time in life I had a friend who was emotionally draining and I would have anxiety attacks after an evening of spending time with this friend.  I'm not on any medication for my anxiety (the one time they put me on some I had side affects that I really didn't like so I quit taking it).  I've learned a few coping strategies that work for me, though, and usually my anxiety is fairly mild.  If it ever got worse I would seek medical help, but for now I'm mostly okay.

I have learned something about my anxiety attacks.  Most of them occur around moments of confrontation, either real or imagined.  Some happen after the fact, like the time I got yelled at for not letting someone pick something up because they couldn't give me their receipt saying they bought it.  Some happen when I imagine a confrontation, like my former job.  There have been a few exceptions, like a change I wasn't expecting.  But overall, most of my anxiety attacks are a result of confrontation.  While I'm in the midst of it I'm usually okay, it's always either before or after the fact that I start shaking, my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm going to be sick or cry, or both.

So, unless I closet myself away (which isn't healthy for me or my family) there is no way that I can avoid confrontation.  The question I have, then, is how do I handle those confrontations without having an anxiety attack?  Case in point.  I have a cousin who was baptized.  I told my aunt a few weeks before that we would probably be coming.  I realized just a few days before that I hadn't told her for sure, and I didn't know if she would have room for us.  I didn't want to assume that I could just show up at her house and have her put me and my kids up for the night, when I knew that there were already going to be quite a few people staying at her house.  The idea of calling up my aunt to ask if we could stay at her house made me sick to my stomach and almost made me want to quit the idea of going altogether.  That does not seem rational to me, especially because when I did call her she was planning on me coming and was making arrangements for my family.  This was just a small thing, all I had to do was make a quick phone call, but it made me sick to my stomach, and this was a family member, who I know loves me.  It can be even worse if I have to call a stranger.

I know stress is also another trigger.  I don't have nearly as many attacks when my stress level is low as I do when it is high.  Yet, I don't know how to get rid of the stress either.  I just want a Utopian world where life runs smoothly, people are nice to each other and doing your best is all that anyone asks of you.  I know that this isn't going to happen anytime soon and that we can't grow stronger without meeting some kind of resistance.  I just wish I had a text book with answers for my own personalized life that said, when A happens understand that B is the reason, and do C.  Since I don't ever see that book being published I will just have to hone my coping skills and hope I make the right choices.

What I have realized I need to do when these times come is to take a step back, first.  I look at what is going on.  Have I blown things out of proportion?  Is there another solution to my dilemma?  Depending on the situation and how physically sick I am, I often will call someone I know who has a calmer head than me.  In college it was my mom and she could talk me through it.  Now it is usually my husband, but if he isn't available, my mom is usually there, and if no one else can help me my Heavenly Father is always there.  Often though, he sends me help in the form of my husband and mom.  After taking that step back I can usually figure out if I have real reasons for not wanting to do something, or if they are imagined.  Then, if it is all in my mind, I take that scary first step.  Once I start then my survival instincts kick in and I'm good.  I have noticed that very few times once I am in the middle of something do I have problems.  Or, if it is after the fact, I try to let it go and just move on with my life, what's done is done.

I can also do some things to make it so that my mind isn't so easily beset by these plaguing thoughts.  For me I am much calmer if I get enough sleep.  This means, in my case, not staying up really late, and getting up early.  I need quiet meditation time and about the best time for me is in the morning before my children wake up.  I take this time to watch the sunrise and relax in the glory of this wonderful world.  I read my scriptures and find strength and peace in them.  I pray.  Another thing that really helps me is to have a clean house.  When my surroundings are neat and peaceful, it's like an extension of my mind, calm and peaceful.  This isn't always easy to do with 4 kids, but I can usually find at least 1 room of my house that I can retire to when I am feeling a little frazzled and I can regroup. 

This is what I have found to work for me.  How about you?  Do you suffer from anxiety?  How do you deal with it?

Monday's Miracles

1.  Crock-Pots.  I have to say this week I am grateful for these.  We have 2 different kinds of slow cookers and it is so nice to be able to come home to the house smelling yummy and food waiting to be eaten.
2.  Planned Leftovers.  I love the idea of cooking something once, but making it stretch into two meals.  In my case, it was the chicken from the crock-pot.
3.  Sprinklers.  Summer times makes sprinklers all the more fun when it's hot.  They are also great for watering grass seed, for what will hopefully be more lawn.
4.  Colored Pencils.  I love these so much that even when I get the kids some for school, I have some of my own.  Plus, what else can I use to keep my kids so busy for so long?
5.  Cups.  They aren't just for holding beverages.  I have learned that you can use them to catch honey bees and then release them outside.  You can also capture small cars under them I'm learning.

Monday's Miracles

1.  Ginger.  It's wonderful for queasy stomachs, did you know that?
2.  Postcards.  They don't cost much to buy or send, but they bring a world of delight to the receiver
3.  Good movies.  When you need a child to take it easy and relax sometimes a good, clean, wholesome movie makes it just a little easier
4.  Baby Gates, they aren't just for babies
5.  Fans.  They have been so wonderful this summer

Monday’s Miracles

I haven’t done these for a while, but I thought I should do them again.

1.  Grass.  I know I complain about mowing it and watering it, but I sure do enjoy having it.  It wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t have grass around my house and I still remember how hot, muddy, and drab my house looked.  I love being able to walk through the soft grass and the nice look of the mowed yard.

2.  Swimming Pools.  With the weather being so hot, it sure is nice to go swimming.

3.  Popsicles.  Cold, sweet yummyness

4.  Buttons.  Have you really thought about everything a button can do and be?  It holds our clothes together, it looks cute in the middle of a flower bow, you can make jewelry out of them…

5.  Bountiful Baskets.  I’ve tried so many new fruits and vegetable through participating, and I love how much I get in my basket.  It definitely supports my endeavors to eat healthier.

Idaho Distance Education Academy

I’ve already told some people, but our family is going to embark on a new adventure next year.  I have enrolled my oldest two in the Idaho Distance Education Academy charter school.  What does that mean you are asking? Well I will tell you.  It means that I will be the one teaching them next year with some assistance from a certified teacher.  I will mostly be communicating with the teacher by phone and e-mail, so really, I will be teaching the kids.  We will be home schooling them.

There have been varied responses, varied questions, and varied concerns when I’ve told people about our decision.  This is not a spur of the moment decision.  It is something I have been thinking, pondering, and praying about for a long time.  It is also something that I wouldn’t do without Robert’s support and so he has also been praying about it. 

So to answer some questions. #1 why am I doing this?  Well, there are a lot of reasons.  I think that my girls are too young to be away from me for so much time.  They are at a stage in life where I feel like I should be the main teacher they have and that is difficult to do when they are at school for around 7 waking hours and I have them for 4.  Also, there are lessons that I want them to learn that I’m not sure are being taught in schools.  There are better books that they could be reading than what are being read to them in schools, and I want to expose them to the best and not settle just because they are reading.

#2 DoI think I can really do this?  What about my “me” time?  Yes it’s true, I will be with the kids an awful lot without a break.  You see, here’s the thing, I love my kids and I love being with my kids.  I will grant that there are times that I lose my patience, but that is usually when I am doing things that aren’t really worthwhile and I’m feeling guilty.  I am so much more organized when the older kids are home, my house is actually cleaner when they are here and our lives have a tendency to run smoother and more structured.  Right now I’m looking at our lives and seeing where I can fit some math in, or some spelling or science.  It isn’t going to change that much for us so yes, I do think I can do this.

#3 What about their social time?  Well, here’s the thing, I’m pretty social myself.  That means that we are going to be going out and being around people, and we are going to be inviting people to come to our house.  I will be teaching them to be polite, to share, how to be a good hostess and how to be a good guest.  Those are skills better learned from me than from other kids their own age, don’t you think?  With the exception of those few years they spend in school, people are not usually kept in social groups of peers their own age.  Many of the friends I have now are closer to my sister’s age than my own, or they are older than me.  Learning to relate to people of all ages is a better skill than just people your own age and experience.

#4  Won’t they fall behind?  No, I don’t think they will.  You see, children have a natural desire to learn.  If we provide them opportunities and inspire them, then they will learn.  I am wanting to learn, too.  It is something we can do together.  If they seem Mom wanting to learn, they will too.  If we are reading, talking and discussing things together it only builds upon that desire.  That is what we are going to do.  Yes, it takes dedication on the part of the parent, but when you make life about learning, not just learning to pass the test, well, that is when it really sticks.

I am really excited about this journey we are taking.  I am a little nervous, too, but mostly excited.  I will have help and support from a certified teacher when I need it.  My children will still take the state mandated tests to see where they are at.  I have friends to help guide me and help me along the way.  Above all, I have a conviction that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now at this time in our lives.

Hidden Sorrows

What is it about us that we feel to hide so many sorrows and struggles.  It could be an illness such as cancer or depression.  Maybe it is financial struggles or something that has caused us sadness and pain, hurtful words spoken to us or some loss that we have had.  So many times we take these things and we lock them up inside, putting on a mask or withdrawing from those around us, lest anyone should guess the truth.

Why do we do this?  Are we afraid?  What do we have to be afraid of?  Fear that we will be treated differently?  Fear that someone will say or do something else to hurt us?  Fear that someone will help us and then we will feel indebted to them?

The scriptures tell us that we should should help one another.

8. ...and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;

9. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort...           Mosiah 18: 8-9

or in the New Testament

2.  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2

 And yet, if we are unwilling to share, if we keep everything hidden inside then are we guilty of not allowing others to follow the scriptures?  We tell ourselves that we would gladly help share someone else's burden, but we are unwilling to share our burden with anyone else.

Now, when I say this, don't think I mean that we should all air our dirty laundry or ask for hand-outs.  I don't mean for us to expect others to take care of our problems.  I do believe there are things, however, that when shared can help us heal or lighten our burden.  The woman who loses a baby before anyone knows she was pregnant.  The neighbor who gets cancer but doesn't want anyone to know.  The family who is doing everything they can to meet their financial obligations, but they are barely able to meet their current needs.  All of these people keep it all in until either enough time passes to dull the pain, or something happens that they can no longer hide their situation.

The thing is, to the person who suffers depression and just wishes for something good in their life, a smile and a kind word can make a world of difference.  To one who is sick  and wishing they didn't have to make dinner, a meal brought in provides peace of mind and rest.  To someone who just doesn't know where the money they need is going to come from $20 may not break you, but it could mean food for their family.  The thing is, most of the time we don't know about these needs.  The Spirit can, and does, often speak to us leading us to help others, but just as we teach our children to ask for what they want, we need to also ask.

Then again, who do we ask?  As children we ask our parents.  As adults, how many close relationships do we share?  We have become a nation of texting and facebook and while those things are good in their own rite, they are not everything.  How often do we sit and visit face to face, or call someone up on the phone and listen to their voice? We take our world and compress it into little tiny bites like ttyl, idk, or lol.  We share what we are cooking for dinner, our favorite t.v. shows, what cute thing our child said/did, but we don't share our hearts.  We don't share our inner thoughts (although sometimes people share too many thoughts that maybe should be kept personal).  We hide behind the superficial part of our lives and never have to form meaningful relationships.

Pride.  I think often that is what it all comes down to.  We are too proud to accept help.  We think that we can take care of it ourselves.  We don't want to be a burden on anyone else.  We may have gotten ourselves into the situation and feel we need to get ourselves out of it.  We think we need to rely on only ourselves, or we pray to God and ask for a miracle, but we don't take the extra steps to help him fulfill the miracle.  We don't ask for help.  I know I'm guilty of this.  Right now, I don't even know how to begin fixing it.  Like my blog title says, this is a musing of my heart.  I will keep on musing and maybe I will find some answers for my own soul.  I hope so.

Day 2

1.  Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven-  I love this song sooooo much and I wish I could play it, but my hands aren't big enough.

2.  Broken by Kenneth Cope

Day 3

 

1.  Patch Adams.  This was the movie that Robert and I saw for our first date.  I don't know why I remember that, but I do.

2.  Lord of The Rings trilogy-  Really 3 movies, but I didn't like them, and I still don't.  My husband loved them and I almost walked out of the theater during #1.  I think I'll read the books.

3.  Operation Pettycoat-  I like those old movies.  I don't watch many movies anymore, it seems like I have too much going on, but if I did, I'd like an old one that I knew was clean and touching, and funny.

Day 4

1.  The Secret Garden- My first favorite book of all time
2.  Les Miserables- The largest book I've ever read
3.  The Chosen-  A book I would like to read
4.  Feminine Mystique- A book I have no desire to read

Day 5

1. Celery- One of my favorite foods, and one I even wrote a poem about in elementary school, even yummier with peanut butter.
2. Mexican- my favorite type of food, especially enchiladas and tacos
3. Okra- didn’t really like this, maybe I don’t know how to fix it properly
4. Mom’s Gluten free German Chocolate Pie- so rich
5. Chocolate Banana-Berry smoothie-one of the best breakfasts around

Day 6

1. Home, there’s no place like it, and I love it.
2. The beach.  When I need to relax, like at the dentist or something, I imagine I’m at the beach.
3. The mountains.  Closer than the beach, but if I can find a little stream, just as therapeutic.
4. Independence, Missouri.  Someplace I want my husband to take our family.  He served his mission there I would love to go back with him.
5. Farmer’s Markets.  I could spend hours walking around and talking to vendors.  I love going to Farmer’s Markets.
6. Labor and Delivery Rooms.  I really don’t enjoy being there.  The beds are uncomfortable, I am not usually feeling well, and I can think of a lot more comforting places to be.  

Day 7

1. My yard to be fully landscaped with a sprinkler system
2. Shelves in my sewing room
3. To go on a vacation to somewhere I’ve never been before.  Europe or a cruise would be nice.
4. The freedom of having lots of space, with the niceness of having neighbors I can sit on the porch and talk to (that one won’t happen, but I want it)
5. A riding lawn mower
6. A whole list of books, including The Princess Bride 
7. A tractor that I know how to use, so that in winter I can plow my driveway and in summer I can use it around the yard.

Day 8

1. The dark.  I’ve never quite gotten over my childhood fear
2. Of losing one of my children
3. Of hurting someones feelings
4. Of snakes and spiders, but I put up a good front for the kids.
5. I’m afraid of becoming a young widow
6. Bridges, especially really high ones or those going over large bodies of water (Coranado Bridge)
7. Tied into being afraid of bridges is my fear of heights
8. Failing

Day 9

  

1. My husband is top of this list
2. chocolate 
3. Reading
4. my children 
5. tomatoes fresh off the vine
6. flowers
7. sunrises and sunsets
8. the sound of rain on the roof
9. family get togethers