Searching for Peace

I've been searching for Peace lately. It seems like especially at this time of year you may hear a Christmas Wish of Peace on Earth, but what about Peace in my heart? How do you find Peace amidst the hustle and bustle of life, and more importantly, how do you find Peace when Life happens? When someone gets sick, loses a job, or does something to hurt you what do you do? There are so many things going on it seems, that I have no control over, and yet I worry. I worry about those family and friends who have cancer. I worry about if we will get enough snowfall this winter to fulfill our water needs and also give Robert some work. I worry about my sister who moved away.

The logical part of my brain says to turn over all of my worries to God and go on having faith that things will work out. In fact, I tell myself that many times during the day, "it will all work out". I don't know when or how, but it always seems to work out somehow. It's hard, though. I have so much energy from worrying and I need a way to vent it. Writing helps some. What I really would like is a punching bag. I'd really love to just pound away and release all this frustration without fear of breaking something. Kickboxing videos have been helping and as a side benefit, I'm almost to my goal weight!

So, I guess I'll just keep plugging along doing the best I can. What else can I do? I'll just have to trust that yes, everything will work out, somehow.

Monday's Miracles

1. Christmas Lights

2. Ornaments and the memories they can hold

3. Christmas Music

4. My camera, when I remember to use it

5. The freeway because it helps family see each other more often

Falling off the Wagon

So, I haven't done well with my sticker chart. Oh, I did well for about a week and a half and then life happened. This is why I need to practice something longer than a week. I need more time to get it to "stick". One of the lessons that I've been learning, though, is to just start where I am. I can't change the mistakes that I've made, but I can choose to take this moment and learn from what has happened before and move on. Lets see how I do this week.

Sticker Chart

I love earning points. There is a group I belong to where I earn points for reading e-mails, reading articles, posting on message boards, drinking water, and a number of other things. Do these points mean anything? Not really, I just like earning them. Then, I read a story the other day where a woman set a goal for herself and everyday that she accomplished her goal, she put a sticker on her calendar. At the end of the month it was fun to see how many stickers she got. I decided to do that for myself. There are a few changes that I would like to make in my life and I decided to practice one new habit a month. Every night when I accomplish my goal, or habit, I give myself a sticker. I can't wait to see how many stickers I get this month. It's a visual reminder of how I am making myself a better person and blessing the lives of those around me by being a better mom and wife.

Filling my Bucket

I need a "me" day. I'd even take just a few "me" hours. I need some time to rest, revitalize, and fill my bucket. As a mom I am constantly dipping out of my bucket to fill up others; my children, my husband, our pets. All of these I want to help and support, but I can't do that if I have nothing left to give. In my perfect day I'd have all my reserves filled so I could spend it with my family, but in order to get there, I need some time for me. That is hard to admit sometimes because we don't want to be thought of as vain or selfish. It's hard to spoil ourselves sometimes when we think about everything else we could be doing with our time or our money. But if we don't do something to help ourselves and to find our own happiness, then we can't help our family.

Some things I do to fill my bucket are: hang out with my girlfriends. I get to do this next Saturday and I'm so excited! Also, sew. I love to do crafts and I could and have spent hours in my sewing room cutting and sewing fabric. Also crochet, knitting, and tatting. Reading a good book can be relaxing also. A good book lets me visit someone elses world for a while and can give me perspective on my own life. Once common thing about all of these, though, is that while I find them to be relaxing, they are also things that can improve the lives of my whole family. If I have an uplifting visit with friends I may learn something new that I can apply to my household. Much of my sewing and other craft projects are also for our house. And of course, reading is just good all around, as long as you read good books. So, I guess that it isn't too bad to spend some time doing things that fill me up when it also benefits the family.

The Perfect Day

Okay, just imagine it, while you are sleeping, a miracle happens. Everything that was holding you back from having the perfect day is gone. You wake up, what is the first thing you notice that tells you this miracle has happened? What do you do? Do you sleep in or wake early? How would you spend this perfect day and who would you spend it with? What about in the evening? How does your perfect day go? Remember, there are no limits, a miracle has happened! If you needed money, you have it, if you needed to be older/younger/ fitter, it's done.

This was an exercise that I did recently when I realized I really didn't know what to do next. After looking at my perfect day I looked at things that I could do to come closer to that reality. One of those steps includes decorating my bedroom. I've put it off because no one ever sees my room but us and so I should get the rest of the house done first. What I've noticed, though, is that I need a nice, restful place to be and I should have a nice bedroom. Also, I don't know what I want my sanctuary to be like. Do I want something that reminds me of the forest or the beach? Both of those are relaxing to me. Or do I want a more feminine, romantic feel? So to help me decide I went to the paint store and got paint samples and pictures to look at and hang on the wall to see which ones I gravitate to.

I am also making plans on how I want our yard to look and finding ideas for my own personal garden that I will have someday. Robert and I have a lot of space and it will be nice to get all this space organized and landscaped. I want a few more trees, like a maple tree and a weeping willow tree, but I don't know where I want to put them. I think that would be a good project to do for a date night with Robert. I guess I do have plans for the future now.

Sore

I really want to physically get in better shape. I want to be able to "kinda" keep up with my kids. I want to be able to hold my baby and not feel like she weighs a million pounds (she's really small), and I want to have energy to give to other people. So, I have been getting together in the mornings with some friends and we work out to exercise videos. It's fun getting together. This week we decided to start a program to get us all beach bodies and be "Slim in 6" weeks. I tell you what, I can barely walk today. The exercises aren't all that hard nor are they very aerobic, but we were sweating and working our muscles. Even though I'm sore, I'm glad. I know that I am working on becoming a better me and a healthier me. It wouldn't hurt for me to be able to fit back into some of my clothes that "shrunk" while I was pregnant either ;)

Go Me!

Life has been busy around here. I am just trying to get things ready for whatever, but starting is hard to do sometimes. One of the lessons I am working on is that I don't have to have everything ready right now. I can work on one thing at a time and progress, not perfection, is my goal right now. That being said, I am losing weight! I have been walking a few days with a friend and now that it is getting colder a group of moms I know are all getting together to exercise in mornings. Our kids all play together while we work out. This is good for me in so many ways. First off, I will be in better shape physically. Exercise also helps you feel better emotionally, a very good thing since winter is coming. I will also get to get out of my house and socialize with other moms. That is also something I need.

A journey begins with a single step and I am ready to step on the way to becoming a better me.

Monday's Miracles

1. Baby Einstein DVD's- I feel a little less guilty letting them watch t.v. in the afternoon

2. Rice Cereal- I just wish Rachel liked it a little better

3. Magazines- I've gotten lots of ideas out of them

4. Ladders

5. Music

Monday's Miracles

1. Corn on the Cob- YUMMY!

2. Essential Oils

3. Kitty Cats

4. Chairs

5. Family Fun Magazine

Dreaming

When you were a kid I bet you knew how to dream. I know I did. I would dream about going places and doing, what life would be like when I grew up. If I were to ask my kids what they want to do when they grow up I'd probably get the answers of being a pharmacist, a dancer, and a fireman. No doubt about it, kids know how to dream. Then we grow up. Some people can keep dreaming, but some of us lose that. When I grew up I wanted to be a wife and mom, well, now I am. Now what?

I won't stop being a wife and mom, but what else do I want out of life? I can't dream for my kids. I may have things that I wish for them, but they need to have their own dreams. What do I want for me? One of my dreams is to go to Europe and Australia. That just seems like such a fantasy, though, that even though I want to go, I never see myself going. This is where "reality" enters into my dreams.

We live in a country where you can do anything you want to do, you just have to work for it. Well, what is it I'm working for? Yes, I'm working towards having a happy family but as fulfilling as that is, I need something more for me. Once I dreamed of writing a book. I wouldn't know what to write about, though or what to do with it once I did. Once I dreamed of illustrating a children's book, but then I realized that as much as I like to color, I don't like to draw.

Now I don't know what I dream of. What do you dream of?

Eggplant!

Okay, so I harvested an eggplant today. I'm not actually sure how it tastes yet, it broke off the vine while still little, so I hope it's still good. Besides, baby eggplant is supposed to be a delicacy, right? I do have some other fruit growing so I should be able to get more than one.

The rest of the garden is looking okay. My tomatoes are way behind this year. I did get tons of peas in the spring, though. I have peppers on all my plants and I'm just waiting for them to ripen. I also managed to get some beans and beets. Our corn is a little slow this year also and we had a wilt hit our potatoes. We still got potatoes, but they aren't as big as they could be. I should also be getting some yellow crookneck squash this week.

All in all, I accomplished another goal of mine :)

Monday's Miracles

1. Leftovers- It's nice to have enough to eat and then some.

2. Cups

3. Wooden Pallets- They have lots of uses

4. Trees- Again, they have lots of uses

5. Good Friends :)

My Struggle

So, after reading an article on Post-Partum Depression and recognizing many of the signs they talked about I made an appointment with my midwife, and surprise, I have PPD! One of the reasons that I think I didn't recognize it at first is because it didn't happen right after I had Rachel. I was actually pretty good after I had Rachel. Of course I had the occasional bad day, but don't most people? Then it got to be two bad days and then three. Pretty soon I was counting the good days instead of the bad ones. So, I am now on some medicine. It will take a little while it is really showing that it's helping. However, just putting a name to why I'm tired, why a dirty table gives me such anxiety and why I just don't want to do anything has been very liberating. I'm not going crazy.

I Should Be a Writer

Really, I should. All day long I have these words running through my head. I will compose a full article on a topic in my head. Why then is it so long between blogs? Well, I find it very difficult to type while holding one or more children. I'm lucky right now because no one is on my lap. I wish I wrote more. I need to find a way to get all of these words out of my head and written down somewhere, if for no other reason than they are cluttering up my brain and making it hard for me to think of anything else. Well, the baby is waking and once again I will have a child in arms. Have a good day everyone.

Monday's Miracles

1- Soccer balls. I love how a large round ball can be kicked around for hours and really wear those kids out.

2- Water. Since I live in a desert I really appreciate the wet stuff.

3. Lawn. Robert planted another patch for us and I can't wait until it is all green and I can mow it!

4. Blocks. Who doesn't have fun building them up?

5. My Sister, she took my older kids over-night and they got to go to the drive-in. I am so glad that my kids will have such fun memories.

Food For Thought

You know what, being a mom is a lot of work. There is the laundry to do, activities to take the kids to and trying to make sure they eat something healthy. I want to focus on the eating part. You see, I live out in the country. I am 4 miles from our little town grocery store and about an hour from a large grocery store. I can't really just run in for something if I've forgotten it. When I lived in town we got really used to those $5 pizzas. In fact, we went and house sat for my parents a few years ago and the first night there I asked Taylor what she wanted for dinner and she told me pizza. Well, it was kinda late and I told her it would take a little while to make pizza and she wanted to know why we couldn't just go buy one. It's not that easy in the country.

Plus, you see, I have this adorable little bundle of joy that loves being held. If it's been too long since I've held her, she lets me know. Lately she hasn't been sleeping as well. I'm not sure if she is going through a growth spurt and her sleep schedule is re-adjusting or maybe she is getting those teeth to come through that she has been drooling over for the last two months. Either way, she isn't sleeping as much and wants to be held more. When she was tinier I was using my slow cooker more. I could throw stuff in during her first nap and by dinner it was ready, that was great. Now, I've run out of ideas, plus for me it's too hot for soups and chili like I was making.

I know a menu would probably help me out some, but I don't use one. I've seen programs where someone gives you a menu for the week and the corresponding shopping list. You go to the store once and you've got the stuff for all these healthy meals. The problem is, most of those lists usually include some kind of fish, and I don't like fish. Then I would have to go through the list and edit it for the stuff I wouldn't be using for that meal and come up with an alternative. Is it worth the hassle and the cost?

Then there are all those pre-packaged meals that are oh so fast, but full of salt and who knows what else. Some of them taste pretty good, but some are not. The thing is, they are fast and easy. Once in a while they are okay, but not everyday. I've also tried making a double batch of something and freezing it, and that works sometimes, when I plan ahead enough to do it.

What do you do? How do you make meal time easier on yourself and good for your family?

Progress not Perfection....Right?

So last night Robert was lamenting about some trees that we lost. He had planted a bunch this spring and it looks like mice or some other small animal has chewed them all up. One of the things that I worried about was over-extending ourselves outside. We did that last year and we lost a lot of the things we planted. This year has been better, though. I have my garden in. I was able to harvest peas this year. Our potatoes look great, especially considering we have never grown them before. We do have some lawn in the front. My locust tree is looking good. We have also built a chicken coop, are raising chickens and turkeys, put a fence around the garden, and I have flowers in the planter on our island outside. We have made improvement this year. I think one of our biggest problems is all the weeds we have around here. They are so tall and it would take a very long time to mow them all down by hand. Robert had hooked up a mower thing to the tractor, but the belt broke part-way through so he didn't get everything done that he wanted to. It seems to be especially hard on Robert. He thought he would have more time in the evenings to get some of these things done, but it's just not happening. I wish I knew how to help him more, but there is only so much I can get done outside. Rachel is fine outside as long as it's not windy and if you know anything about where I live, we have a lot of wind, so that puts a damper on things.

I guess I will just have to do the best I can and remember that we are farther along this year than we were last year, especially since we don't have to build a deck this year.

Monday's Miracles

1. Hoses- I love that I don't have to haul water all over the place

2. Lawn Mowers- I finally learned how to use one

3. The Grill- It won't heat up my house any more than it already is

4. Fireworks

5. Sleeping Bags

Exhausted

I have been so tired lately. I'm not sure what's up. It doesn't seem to matter if I go to bed at 10:30 or 8:30, I just don't feel like I'm getting enough rest. I wonder if the 4 kids under 6 have anything to do with that? Or maybe it's the mental exhaustion of thinking about all the things we have going on and wondering how everything is going to get done? Maybe both.

You see, on top of trying to keep my house somewhat together (I struggle with housekeeping), I now have a garden outside. I love being in the garden. I love watering it, I love planting it, and I even like weeding it. Rachel, however, doesn't always like me being in the garden, so I have to steal snatches of time when I can. We also have the chickens and turkeys, but thankfully Robert mostly takes care of those. Then, there is the dogs and cats. Our kitties are growing so fast that we will be putting them outside soon. I can't wait because the momma cat is driving me nuts. I hope that they catch lots of mice.

Then, there is all the rest of the stuff outside to do. Mow weeds, water trees, hope that rabbits and mice don't kill the trees. We have the grass that we planted this year that we are trying to get established. I am so excited for more lawn. We have the grass that we planted last year that we need to maintain. I finally learned how to run a lawn mower. And someday, we will have lawn in our back yard, also.

Last year we spread ourselves too thin trying to get the "instant yard" without all the needed time and help to get it up and running. We've taken things a little slower this year, and I know it's a process, but you know what, it's exhausting thinking about it all.

Good Enough

Have you ever just had one of those days where you feel like you aren't good at anything? You're not a good mom because you _____, your not a good wife because _____, you can't keep the house clean, you don't cook good for you meals lately, your garden is getting beyond you, the laundry is piling up, you forgot to call a friend, you knew you should have done something for someone, but you chickened out, and in general, you just feel bad. What do you do when you start to feel this way? When this dialog of your "failures" starts running through your head? For me, I had to take a step back and look at the things that I have done successfully. I do know how to cook nutritional dinners and when I find/make the time I cook them. I love my children, they have clothes to wear, food to eat, and for the most part seem happy. I do play with them and read them stories and they love me. I love my husband and I remember that he works hard for us all week, and he can't read my mind so if I need his help, I need to let him know. My garden is better than it was last year and it is a learning experience. It will be better next year than this year, so just try to do the best I can. I know that I'm not a failure, there are some things I can do well. I think one of the hardest things in life is to not get discouraged. How do you do it? How do you keep your thoughts positive and move on when you feel down?

Storytime

Today when we came home from town I put the groceries away and then went to see what the kids were up to. I hope you can hear okay as Taylor reads you a story.

Goals

So, I have this list of things I want to do on the side of my blog. I've gotten a few things done, but really, the list has not changed in a while. I was thinking I could mark done planting a garden since I do have somethings out, but I don't have everything out. I do have a garden planted, it's just not a complete garden. This is one of those questions of how honest do I want to be with myself? I haven't marked it done yet because even though I really want to, I also have a tomato jungle on my table reminding me that they need to get outside before I can say that I'm done with the planting. Our garden won't be as big this year as we wanted it to be, but it's bigger than it was last year. I guess it is something we will just have to work up to. So, here's to fresh veggies and a healthier lifestyle.

Monday's Miracles

1- Sunshine

2- Rain

3- Dirt

4- Seeds

5- The magic that happens when all the above come perfectly together to make something yummy to eat.

Monday Miracles

1- Blossoms on the trees.

2- Water.

3- Warm spring breezes

4- Swings

5- Tomato Plants

Random

We have had such a busy week. I had to go to Twin on Tuesday and since it is so far away I like to get my errands run while I am there. I guess that Michael had plans of his own. The girls were really good and did what I asked them to, but Michael wanted things done his way. Needless to say I didn't get everything done that I wanted to and we went home early. At home things have been a little better. We got to go to the park on Wednesday and play with some friends. That was nice. I did manage to get a few things planted in the garden between Rachel's naps. I put out some of my peppers, my broccoli and my cauliflower. I also got beans, spinach, beets, carrots and radishes planted. Our peas are coming up, too. I wanted to get a few more plants, though, that I didn't get started myself, so I called in reinforcements and asked my parents to go to Twin with me. They agreed. So today, off we went. It was lunch time when we got to Twin so we stopped to get something to eat. Well, just our luck, as soon as we sit down, Michael throws up. My dad took him to get cleaned off and we went and got him a new outfit. I needed to return some library books, so the next stop was to do that. Michael seemed like he was feeling a little better so I decided to take a chance and hurry through my errands. I did get my plants and a few groceries. Then, home we went. He seems to be fine now, so I wonder if something he ate just didn't agree with him or something.

On another note, Robert got my garden fenced in. One of our dogs loves to lay down in my raised boxes that I have. She also dug up the pansy I had just planted. I think I saved the pansy but I was not happy with the dog. I hope the fence keeps her out. Robert also got the ground ready on the other side of our door and the side of our house so we can plant grass there. I am so excited! I can't wait to have more lawn. I feel kinda bad for Robert, he has so many "honey-do's" and the weekends just aren't long enough. And his list isn't just things I want done, there are things he really wants to do that we just don't seem to have the time for. I help with what I can, but there is only so much I can do while the baby is sleeping.

Changing the subject again, did I ever mention that I have a new position in church? I am now the Primary Chorister. I love this position! I am so excited to be teaching the songs to the children. Last Sunday was my first full time doing the music and I think it went pretty well. I have so many ideas of things I want to do, I just hope they all work out. Actually, the biggest problem that I am having right now is that I wish I had more time. Still, I guess I better leave some time for a lesson.

Hives

So, I now know what hives feel like. I don't recommend anyone have them. Now, I can think of mainly 2 reasons to get hives, an allergy or stress. Besides the changing of the seasons, I can't think of an allergy, well maybe the chickens, but I don't think that is why I have hives. I think it's because of stress. You see, I was managing my stress just fine with chocolate for a while. I went through a lot of chocolate chips, then I realized that Rachel didn't like chocolate. They made her tummy upset and caused her to spit up more. Bye-bye chocolate. Then, I got hives. You see, I didn't handle it well having the chickens in my laundry room. I am still very sensitive to smells and those chickens stunk! And because they were in the laundry room, I didn't want to go in there, because I wasn't going in there, laundry wasn't getting done, my kids were running out of clothes and so was I. Since the laundry wasn't getting washed and put away it was cluttering up the floor. I am having a hard time with clutter, too. So, smells + clutter = hives. Now, the chickens are out in their coop and the smell is airing out. I am once again comfortable going into the laundry room so our clothes are getting cleaned again, that is very good. So, why do I still have hives? Maybe it is allergies.

Monday's Miracles

1- Family. I am so blessed to live close to both of my children's grandparents and spend time with them.

2- Written Remembrances. Since it's Memorial Day it's fun to share stories of the people we are remembering with the children.

3- Springtime. I love how everything is greening up and flowering.

4- Gardening Centers. I love having plants and flowers all ready for me to instantly pretty up my home.

5- BBQ Grills. As Taylor says "Everything tastes better on the grill". Okay, maybe not everything, but a good number of things.

Self-worth

Okay, I had an interesting conversation with someone the other day. See, I put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant with Rachel. Not a big surprise, I've put on a lot of weight with all of my kids, but I usually lose most of it, eventually. Well, this woman kept saying how my self-esteem would go up when I lost the weight, how I would feel better about myself when I got skinnier, how moving down a pant size would boost my self-esteem. It almost made me feel like I should feel bad about myself. I finally told her that I am comfortable with the way I look, I'm not comfortable with the way I feel. It took me 9 months to put on the weight and I don't expect to lose it overnight. I am losing weight and fitting into some of my trimmer clothes, but more importantly I want to feel healthy. I want to have energy to play with my kids. I want my back, legs and arms strong so that I can run with them and carry them when they are tired. I want my lungs and heart to be healthy and strong. That is more important to me than a number on a scale or a size on a tag. What is it about our society that says we must be a certain size to feel good? I know that the woman I was talking to overcame a lot to lose weight at one time in her life and works hard never to go back to that place. I understand that it is a sensitive subject for her. How can we help empower people to live healthy rather than live skinny? I know some people are skinny when they live healthy, but some of us have a body shape that will never be a size 2. I have embraced my body and will continue to be healthy and not let society or numbers tell me what I am worth. I know that my worth is so much more than what I look like.

Going Vegetarian

This week I've been all ready to become a vegetarian. We lost 2 baby chicks this week. When we lost the first one, Robert was around to take care of it, this time he wasn't. I had a really hard time watching the chicks die, and then I had to take care of them. After that, I was cooking eggs and thinking that I was eating those chicks' cousins. Now I realize the eggs probably weren't fertilized and never would have hatched anyway, but still. I guess my hormones are still a little wacky, but I had a hard time this week. I'm hoping that my kids don't get too attached to these chickens since we are raising them for meat. We may get some laying chickens for eggs later, but for now we aren't set up to feed and house them through the winter. Of course, kids can surprise you. Mine will probably have no problems and I'll be the one having the melt down.

School is (almost) Out

Taylor has only 2 weeks left of school! I can't wait to have her home with me all the time. At the beginning of the school year I was so excited to have her go off to school and only have 2 kids to worry about watching, but as the school year went on I realized it wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be. Now I had to worry about getting home before the bus. I had to schedule appointments around school schedules. We had to get up early during the week to get Taylor on the bus. Then there are all the papers that she brings home, precious treasures that she can't bear to part with (that secretly disappear when she isn't looking). On top of that, being gone all day has been hard on Taylor. She really misses us when she is gone all day and becomes very clingy and tired early in the evening. Yes, I can't wait until school is out. Taylor is such a great helper and big sister that we are all really looking forward to having her home with us again (and sleeping in everyday since we won't have to worry about catching the bus).

Books

So, I've had some frustrations on what to read. I read a couple of reviews of some books in a magazine that I get and thought the books sounded good. Well, one of them was horrible, the other two were okay. Then, I read Heidi. It's an old book, but it was really good. Some of the things that I've noticed about older classics is that 1) they are clean and 2) many of them often have God as a central part of the characters lives. The characters pray and read their Bibles. Have we become a society that is so afraid of offending someone or not selling books that we leave that out? Are the only books with moral characters labeled as "Christian Fiction" thereby dissuading many who might have benefited from the story from ever reading it? Now, I know that not everyone lives the way I do or believes the way I do, and that's fine, but really, do we need so much sex in what we read? I have found a few authors who's books are clean, but they have only written so many books and I've read so many that it feels like I'm running out of books. Does anyone have any books that they really love that are clean? I mean, I like a good romance as well as anyone, but some things should be left alone.

Monday's Miracles

1. Sunshine! It is such a beautiful day today, even with the wind

2. Tractors- Robert wouldn't be able to get nearly as much done outside if he didn't have a tractor to help him.

3. Our recliners- We moved one into the living room and I think I've practically lived in it since.

4. Asparagus- I noticed today that ours is starting to poke up out of the ground. A few more days and it should be big enough to eat, YUMMY!

5. Did I mention Sunshine?

Monday's Miracles

1. My sling- This way I can hold Rachel and still have 2 hands

2. Mini Excavators- Robert sure is getting a lot done with the one he borrowed from work

3. Recliners- Especially ones that rock

4. Family- It's so much fun getting everyone together

5. Warm weather- I am so glad that we finally have some nice sunny days

Being Mom

Things are going pretty good. I love having my kids around. It is so cute to watch how the older kids love on Rachel. Taylor loves to hold her and when she gets fussy she will come and talk to her or sing to her. Lindsey loves to look at her and pet her head. Whenever she cries (screams), Michael is right there. He loves his "baby Rachel". It has truly been a blessing to have Robert around, too. When he first got laid off I was really stressing, but things have been working out for us. We got our tax returns back and have been using that until he starts work again. The kids love having him around and since we've had so many things going on it's been nice to have the extra set of hands. Robert has done just about all the cooking and most of the cleaning lately plus playing with the kids. Lindsey and Michael have especially needed their daddy. It should be interesting to see how things go once he goes back to work. I am just so blessed that I get to stay home with my children and read to them and play with them and watch them grow. They all have such unique personalities and it is so fun to see how they view the world. Being Mom is the greatest adventure I could ever go on.

With life being crazy like it has been I've been neglecting a few things, like getting online and writing. Normally this is something I enjoy doing, but some things needed to wait, so now maybe I'm back. I am still having problems with kidney stones. Let me tell you, that is one pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It shouldn't last forever, though and then I will be back up and running again. I am grateful that little Rachel is such a good baby. She sleeps pretty well at night. When she wakes up, she eats and then goes back to sleep. I couldn't care less if she woke up 5 times to eat as long as she went back to sleep. She actually wakes up about 3 times. The other kids just love her and are very attentive when she is awake. They get concerned if she starts crying and try to help her feel better. Taylor talks to her and reads to her. Lindsey loves to pet her head and look at her. Michael also loves to look at her. She was on my bed and I had to go to the bathroom. Well, she started crying and when I came out of the bathroom, Michael was sitting right by her talking to her. It was the cutest the thing. He is really soft with her, now if he would be so soft to the animals.

You know, life would be just about perfect if it wasn't for this kidney stone. My recovery from labor has gone really well. I've hardly had much bleeding, I'm not incredibly sore, I actually feel really good. The kids are great, the baby is great, Robert is great, and then I have a kidney stone. Maybe my life was just too great and I needed a little more adversity, I don't know. Well, I better get back to being mommy.

Monday's Miracles

1. Rain- I love the sound of rain on the roof and the smell of rain. Plus, it means slightly warmer weather.

2. Airplanes- My baby brother is being released from his mission today, but won't get home until tomorrow due to flight schedules. I'm so glad that he can fly home instead of slower methods of transportation. I can't wait to see him again.

3. 4-Wheel Drive- My driveway is a muddy mess!

4. Hot Chocolate- It goes great with rainy days.

5. Good friends that will take me to Twin when I need a day away.

Cabin Fever

After going into false labor on Tuesday and being completely bummed on Wednesday, I got cabin fever Thursday. I just wanted to go out and have some fun and go to Twin without kids. That meant that either I needed a babysitter so Robert could go with me, or I had to find someone else to take me. I don't drive when I'm this pregnant for 2 reasons: 1- I get these spots floating in my vision that makes it hard to focus, so I can drive short distances, but not all the way to Twin, and 2- I already went into false labor once, if I go into labor I don't want to be by myself. So, after making sure that none of my family wanted to go to Twin, I called a friend. J. said she had to work in the morning and do a few things, but later she could take me. That sounded great to me.

So, after she got off work, J. came and picked me up and we went to Twin. I had to take some movies back to the library since they were due (that was my excuse for going to Twin even though I could have renewed them online). I also picked up a couple of new books to read, since I haven't had this baby yet. Then, we went to the mall and walked around a bit, hoping the walking might have done something, but alas, no. After that we went out and visited J.'s step-dad and ended up laughing so hard, we thought that might put me into labor. It didn't, but I was feeling much better. We went out to dinner at La Fiesta, a really great mexican place. J. had never been there before and she seemed to really like it. Oh, and while we were there we got hit on by some drunk bull riders. They were at a table near us and they were so loud! You could hear them dropping the F-bomb all over the place and it was quite obvious they had quite a bit to drink. One of them came over and invited us to join them, which we declined. Later when I got up to go to the bathroom they were a little surprised to see my bump in front. Apparently they hadn't seen that before they invited us over. That was a little funny.

After dinner I called my sister and we met her at Chili's for dessert. I love their Chocolate Molten Cake! When we sat down and our waitress came over J. started to tease her and give her a good time. The waitress was great and was giving it right back. We ordered our dessert and when we were done (it took like 3 minutes for the 4 of us to scarf it down), the waitress told us it was all taken care of. J. went over to ask what and why. Well, I guess our waitress had been having a rough night, some customers had been mean and she was ready to just walk out when we were sat and we just made her night. Well, mostly J. made her night, so she took care of our dessert. I have some awesome friends.

My trip to Twin was just what I needed. I got out, got to relax and laugh and have a lot of fun. Thanks J. for taking me and sacrificing time with your family for me. Thanks Katrina for coming to dessert, I miss living closer to you.

Monday's Miracles

1. Tums- they have been a great friend to me lately.

2. Games- I love having game nights

3. Calendars- If I didn't have one I know I would be forgetting a lot more than I already do.

4. Pens- it seems like I can only find them about half of the time and I definately miss them when I can't find one.

5. My pizza stones- I love cooking with them and I love when my family cooks with them also.

Middle of the Night rambling

I'm up again at 2:30. I just can't seem to sleep lately. Either it's because I'm hungry (a common occurrence) or because I'm sore. Tonight it seems to be both. My back is achy and I have an annoying knot right by my shoulder blade. Normally I'd sleep on my back and it wouldn't put any stress on the knot, but I can't really do that right now. I'm really glad to be getting a massage today. Maybe that will help. Also, I'm hungry. It seems like I'm almost always hungry. Now if I could only eat the right foods and avoid gaining so much weight :) People like to use the excuse of being pregnant to eat whatever they want, but then after the baby comes you still have to deal with the extra weight from all those goodies. I've done better lately. I've swapped nuts and dried fruit for my chocolate chips. It's not the same, but at least I didn't gain any weight this last week. A part of me just can't wait to have this baby and have things get back to "normal", but at the same time, I'm scared of labor. I don't like pain (who does?), and I'd like to go natural this time. I had a bad experience with my epidural when I had Michael. I just want to get this over with. It's the not knowing that is the hardest part, I think. Still, I have a very supportive husband and a really great midwife, so I should be good. Mostly, I think I'm just tired and I'm done being pregnant, but more than that, I do want my baby to be healthy, so I guess when everything's ready, well, then we will have a new member of the family.

Spring Fever

I have got Spring Fever really bad. It all started with the seed catalogs. I didn't even want to look at them when they first started coming because the world outside was covered in white and I knew it wasn't leaving any time soon. Well, lately the snow has started melting, Robert has been out pruning the fruit trees and the sun has been shining. We've been going through our seed catalogs and planning out what we want to plant this year. Robert and I also went to a meeting and somehow ended up on a board to organize a farmer's market in Shoshone. We don't have any official positions, just board members. It would be cool to have a farmers market closer where you can get fresh produce and know where it came from. We would also like to try and grow enough to sell there and maybe earn a little extra money. If our apple trees do well maybe we will have apples this fall. So, all this talk of growing things has me very impatient for the warmer weather. I still can't see where my garden is going to be, it's covered in snow. The girls are helping me decide what to plant, though. Each of them also wants to have their own garden. Taylor has started a list of things she is going to grow in hers. Well, she is actually going to have 2 if she gets her way, a veggie garden and a flower garden. Lindsey mostly wants a flower garden and will help me with mine. I gave them one of the catalogs and a pen and they went to town circling things they want to plant. So far we will have tomatoes, carrots, peas, beans, pepper, and corn for sure. I don't know what flowers we will get and what other veggies we will plant. One of my goals is to grow and harvest an eggplant. I've tried before and haven't been successful, maybe this year will be the one! I've actually never had eggplant, but I really want to try it, and I want to say that I've grown something I've never grown before. If it ends up we don't like it, well I won't grow it again, but I want to try.

I know some people have already started their seeds. I haven't. I thought about it, but I decided to maybe wait until after I have this baby. I'm afraid that with the adjustment of a new little one I might forget to water or something. Of course, things don't really get easier after baby gets here, but maybe the warmer weather will be a reminder for me. Then, there is always the option of purchasing my plants if I don't get any started. Anyone want to start some for me?

Monday's Miracles

1. Library Cards- We just recently got our family library cards for the Twin Falls Library and we are all sure enjoying the many books we now have access to.

2. Bubble Baths- I think I take one almost every day right now. I love having a book to read while I soak away my sore muscles.

3. Above Freezing Weather- It has given Robert the opportunity to go out and prune our fruit trees. It also lets the kids get out and work out some of their energy. Of course, then they get all muddy, another reason I'm glad for bubble baths, get the kids clean.

4. iTunes- I love music!

5. Text Messaging- I don't use it as often as some people I know, but it sure does come in handy at times. Like when we have the baby, we are going to send out a mass message and then nobody can say they got the call before anyone else.

Home Can Be.....

So, for the most part, I love my house. I love that it has room for us to grow. I love that I have a sewing room and a spacious kitchen. I love my bedroom and master bathroom. I love that Robert can get dressed and not have to turn on the bedroom light to wake me up. I don't love being in my family room, though. I don't know why. I didn't used to feel this way. I fold the laundry in the family room and I didn't used to have a problem being in there, but now I do. And, now that I don't like being in there, I don't like doing the laundry. Since I don't like doing the laundry my kids have been running out of clothes. Clothes have been piling up, I haven't purged the too small clothes from growing children so dressers are full of clothes they can't wear and I end up re-washing clean clothes because they can't fit them into their dressers. It's a vicious cycle. All because I don't enjoy being in the family room. I don't even want to watch my favorite shows anymore because the tv is in the family room. Now maybe that isn't such a bad thing, but the laundry, well that is. I'm not sure if it is the way the room is arranged. We got rid of a couch that was taking up too much space in there and the room feels different now. I'm not sure if it's because the room is cluttered, that is where we keep all the toys. I don't know, but I feel agitated when I think about spending time in there. Today I needed to match socks. Taylor has taken to finding any 2 socks and putting them on. She reminds me of Dobie in the Harry Potter movies. The socks never match. So, I did spend some time in there, but after I got the socks done I was out of there. The worst part is I have like 3 loads of laundry that need folding and Robert doesn't fold it because inevitably he will put something in the wrong pile and the girls make sure he knows about it. I need to get this figured out so that I can have my house be peaceful for me again and so that myself and my family can have clean clothes again.

Monday's Miracles

1. The internet- I love all the things you can do online. You can find friends, communicate with friends, reserve books, do price comparisons, research.....the list goes on.

2. A good night's sleep- I finally had a good night's sleep and I feel so much better today.

3. Sunshiny days- I'm hoping for one of those today. It's so nice to feel the sun on your face.

4. My washing machine- It's huge and it's about the only way I can keep my family in clean clothes. You'd never guess that such a girly girl would be able to get so dirty.

5. Blueberry smoothies- What a great thing to drink with my breakfast, yummy!

Dreaming

I just got a children's illustrated book of The Secret Garden. I love The Secret Garden. Well, they had a picture of Mary first going into the garden and it got me thinking. I want my own "Secret Garden". I want a walled in garden that I can go to and be alone and find some peace for myself. Robert was kind enough to indulge my fantasy last night and we spent some time planning it out. We planned where on the place we would put it, how big it was going to be, and what would be planted in it. I may change my mind on what I want it to look like and I believe that it will be a while before I get my garden, but I think some year I will get it. In the meantime, I will be dreaming of my own place to go and find peace outside.

Monday's Miracles

1. Sunrises. The start the day beautifully. I've seen quite a few of them lately since Michael has decided to wake up early.

2. Sunsets. I love all the colors, especially here in Idaho with the sun going down over the mountains.

3. Seed Catalogs. Right now when I start to get cabin fever it's nice to dream about my yard and garden and all the things I want to do with it once it warms up. They remind me of warmer times.

4. My body pillow. There's no way I could sleep right now without it.

5. Buzz clippers. I would have had a hard time cutting my son's hair without them.

The Bucket List

Tasha's -BUCKET LIST

*Please post, it will be fun!!!!!*

Copy and past on your blog and place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not. This is for your entire life!

(X ) Gone on a blind date.

(X) Skipped school

( ) Watched someone die

( ) Been to Canada

(X) Been to Mexico

( ) Been to Florida

( ) Been to Europe

( ) Been to South America

( ) Been to Central America

( ) Been to Asia

(X) Been on a plane.

( ) Been on a Cruise.

( ) Visited All 50 States. (Maybe someday)

(X) Been lost (many times)

( ) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington , DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep.

( X) Played cops and robbers

(x) Recently colored with crayons. (with kids, who doesn't)

( x ) Sang Karaoke

( x) Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.

( ) Made prank phone calls..."Is your refrigerator running, then go catch it?"

( X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.

( X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.

( X ) Danced in the rain…

( X) Written a letter to Santa Claus.

( X ) been kissed under the mistletoe

(X ) Watched the sunrise with someone.

(X) Blown bubbles.

(X) Gone ice-skating.

( ) been skinny dipping outdoors

(X) Gone to the movies.

1. Any nickname?
Honey, sweetheart

2. Mother's name? Emma

3. Favorite drink? water, followed by hot chocolate

4. Body Piercing ('S)? yes, ears once

5. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love your job?
being a mom, it's the greatest, depending on the day

6. Birthplace.
Salt Lake City, UT

7. Favorite vacation spot? haven't found it yet

9. Favorite movie? the princess bride

10. Favorite holiday? probably thanksgiving

11. Favorite dessert? chocolate

12. Favorite food? Mexican

13. Favorite day of the week? Any day I get a nap

14. Favorite brand of body soap? Mary Kay Lotus and Bamboo Body Scrub

15. Favorite toothpaste? don't have one

16. Favorite smell? I love the ocean, and sweet smells, like berries

17. How do you relax? a nice long soak in a tub

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years? With older kids and me still being super-mom

19. Furthest place you will send this message to? San Diego

20. Who will respond to this the fastest? Depends on who reads it first

Wanted....

WANTED: A best friend. Someone that I can call whenever for whatever. Someone to vent to, laugh with, cry with and just chat with. Someone who will let me stop in when I need to get out of the house with or without kids. The person that I call when I'm so sick and I can't take care of my kids and they will help me out. Also, someone who will let me do the same for them. Someone who will just stop by just because. Someone to call me just to chat, vent, or whatever. Would prefer that they lived semi-close.

Monday's Miracles

1. My kitchen. It has tons of counters and cupboards, an island and even a skylight. It is HUGE! I love my kitchen

2. Paint. I love how paint will transform something and then if it gets old or you don't love it anymore you can paint it again and make it look all new.

3. Taylor. She is so bright and friendly and happy. She loves to help me with whatever and brings a smile to our faces.

4. Lindsey. This little girl will keep you on your toes, you just never know what she is going to say or do next. I love her dimples!

5. Michael. If you haven't seen this little guy's smile you are missing out. It just lights up his whole face and you can't but help smiling yourself.

25 Random Things About Me

I did this elsewhere, but I thought it would be fun to post here, too. You are each welcomed to list 25 random things about you, if you want to or have time.

1. I'm the oldest of 6 children
2. I married my High School Sweetheart
3. We are expecting baby #4 in March and we will be surprised by the gender, so don't ask
4. I graduated Salutatorian in High School
5. I live out in the country, something I never imagined doing
6. I can tat, it's becoming a lost art
7. I love doing other crafts, too, crochet, knitting, sewing
8. I like to garden, this year I really want to harvest an eggplant
9. I have a pug that lives inside, swore I'd never have an inside dog, but now I do
10. I went to 6 different schools growing up. All but one of them was in Idaho, and that one was in California.
11. I've only been to 8 states
12. My favorite subject in school was drama, followed by English
13. I love to read a variety of books, but mostly novels
14. I'm not a big fan of t.v.
15. I like to cook, but not so much to bake
16. I don't like living where it gets cold
17. I do like living near the beach
18. I still have my stuffed dog that I slept with as a child
19. My favorite color is blue
20. I would love to take piano lessons again
21. I don't like peaches, but I do like nectarines
22. I've totalled 2 vehicles since I got married, but one wasn't my fault
23. I'm a Mary Kay beauty consultant
24. I love to have people come over to visit
25. I love mexican food, gosh do I miss CA and all the yummy food there.

Questions

I have so much going on in my head that I can't sleep at night. The problem is, I don't know how to put into words my thoughts. Mostly, they are just questions, but where to go for answers? And then, once I have the answers, what to do with them? What good does learning do for anyone if they don't apply it? Do I really want the answers knowing that they may change my life? I'm comfortable where I am, but then again, if you aren't moving forward, you are falling behind, at least that's what I've always heard.

Monday's Miracles

1. Good books
2. Calculators. I have to get tax stuff ready this week and I'd hate to do it all by hand
3. Washing machines. With 3 kids and a husband who can get very messy at work I love my washing machine
4. Indoor plumbing. It's freezing outside here
5. Our deck. I'm sure I'll love it even more this spring. I wish we had it last spring.

Monday's Miracles

1. Snow-in season of course. It gives Robert something to do during the winter, for which I'm glad.

2. My sewing machine-I've spent a lot of time on it this past week.

3. Warm socks-I love funky patterns too :)

4. My Primary class- They are such good kids and it makes teaching them so much fun.

5. Chocolate

Michael's Quilt

It's done, Michael's quilt is done!

Monday's Miracles

I know a lot of people that do Favorite 5's on Fridays, but I thought Monday would be a good day. Start the week off on a positive note. Here are 5 things I'm thankful for:

1: Holidays where there's no school. I love having my whole family together and spending a fun day playing in addition to Saturday.

2: Having my own house. I get to paint it and put holes in the walls wherever I want to. I can plant whatever I want outside (when it's warmer) and I don't have to ask permission first.

3: Our pets. As psychotic as they can be sometimes, I do love them and I'm glad that my children also get to love on our pets.

4: Thick glass windows. I don't know what I'd do without the sunshine and I'm glad that I can enjoy it and still stay nice and warm inside. Plus, we have some amazing views from our house.

5: Robert. He's like the perfect man, what more can I say.

One Goal Done

I got one of my goals done, I painted Michael's room. I put pics on the other blog. I also decided that I kinda liked the blue color, so I went ahead and painted my bathroom also. It ended up being a little more blue than I thought in the small bathroom, but I think with a few decorations it shouldn't look too bad. I am going with sunflowers in there and I do have a garland over the mirror and a bouquet from my sister's wedding that hangs in there also. I have some tile pictures that I want to put in there, but I can't seem to find them. I'm not sure what box they got put into when we moved and even though we've been here for over a year I still have a few boxes that I've yet to unpack.

After painting the bathroom, Robert asked me which room I wanted to paint next. I'm really not sure. He then asked if we could wait a little while. I told him "Sure, my goal was to get one room painted during the course of the whole year and I've done 2, I'm doing good". He looked very relieved, paint can be expensive.

Happiness is.......

Happiness is a state of mind. I remember hearing as a teenager that no one can make you happy, sad, angry, or offended without you letting them. That really struck me, so much that remember it still. We can't control what people say or do, but we can control how we react to it. That being said, here are some things that make me happy:

*cuddling with my husband
*snuggling with my kids
*knowing all the bills are paid for the month
*planting seeds and watching them grow
*doing my crafts
*a clean house (for the 2 seconds it stays that way)
*spending time with family
*chatting with good friends
*playing the piano
*listening to good music
*reading a good novel

I know there are a lot more, but those are some of the things that bring joy into my life.

Authentic Self

I've been reading this daybook lately. It has a little paragraph or though for each day, and today's was about your "authentic self". It asks the question "have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who you were looking at? Is it not the person you expected to see?" When I was little I had this idea of what my life would be like when I grew up and got married. Of course you never can predict the future, but it gave me thought as to how closely that image is to where I am. For the most part, I'm right where I want to be. There were some things that I didn't get, I was going to marry someone who loved to sing and take me dancing, but Robert really doesn't like to do either of those things. He is better for me than anyone else I could have thought up, though. We don't always get what we ask for, but we get what we need. Anyway, that's off topic.

I was thinking about the movie The Notebook where the girl one day realizes she doesn't paint anymore and she loves painting. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we are supposed to be doing and how we think our lives are supposed to be going that we forget really who we are and what makes us happy. I love doing my crafts, and I won't give those up. I love being a girl and dressing up, I'm not going to pretend that I don't like dresses because those around me don't, I do. I enjoy solving problems, and I sometimes even enjoy math. I do not enjoy snow, but I do think it is beautiful, I just prefer to be inside and out of the cold.

I know that I'm not the woman that I want to be, yet. But I am enjoying discovering those things that make me happy and bring joy into my life. I know that as I am true to myself and strive to become the woman that God intends me to be I will be filled with more joy than I can imagine. I will have peace and love in my soul and I will be able to share that with others. Here's to the journey.

People who Need People

I am a people person, I need people. I know some people that would be fine just doing their own thing staying home and living, but I'm not like that. I need someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to vent to. Robert is great, but I need girlfriends. Winter time seems especially hard. Since my neighbors all live a little distance from me, I can't really just pop over for some conversation like I could when I lived in town. And now I face the possibility of being snowed in, which I don't like, but what makes it even harder is that when I get snowed in, Robert is usually up north plowing snow, so he is snowed out. It it wasn't for my fabulous father-in-law I don't know what I'd do.

I was visiting with someone the other day who is also a fairly social person and I asked, why don't women get together more often around here? I know I'm not the only one, but it seems like we don't do a lot together. Why is that? I have a few friends who call me a party queen because I have done a few cooking parties, facial party, had friends over for dinner, and now New Years party. I do these because no one else is and I need people. I even started a sewing group once a month for those who sew. It's had its ups and downs, some months with quite a few coming and some with none. I want to join a book club, but they meet during my son's nap time. I offered to host it every once in a while so that I could participate, but I haven't heard back yet on that.

I know my house isn't perfect, I'm not the worlds best housekeeper, but I can't let that stop me. I read something one time on regrets and one of them was something to the effect of "I regret all the times I didn't invite someone over because my house wasn't perfect". I try and for the most part my house isn't dirty, just cluttered. I just know for my emotional health, having time with friends is more important than if the toys are picked up or the laundry is all folded and put away.

Homeschooling

This is one of the things I've been pondering about lately. This year my oldest daughter started Kindergarten. I went to public school and I don't really remember having any problems, but when you are a parent looking in, things can seem different. I think I have the same worries as a lot of parents, will my child get a good education, will they get the attention that they need, will they learn a lot of bad habits, will the other kids be mean to them? As the year has gone by some of my fears have subsided and some new ones have crept up. My daughter loves school. In fact, at Thanksgiving time she told us that it was too long and when could she go back? Now we are in the midst of winter break and yesterday she was crying because she missed school (part of that could have been the fact that mommy was tired and out of it). I asked her what she missed about school, was it the school work, recess, what? She said "I miss my friends".

So, here is where the back and forth pondering happens. I want to make sure that she is getting all the learning that she is capable of, she is really smart, but at the same time, she needs to be around peers. She is a lot like her mommy that way. I have heard some negative things about the reading program the school has implemented and it concerns me. I know that there is a lot that I as a parent can do to supplement at home, but is it enough. How do homeschoolers teach their children and still provide plenty of socialization? I realize that school is a place of learning, but they also learn to work in groups and socialize and play. Because I live out in the country there aren't a lot of activities that I could enroll my children in, such as gymnastics or dance classes, where they could get that dose of social life. There is only so much you can tell them before they need to experience working in a group.

I do think that at least for their early years I could teach them and they would probably do really well with the individual time, but I wouldn't know how to give them the social skills that they would need to go back into a public school. I don't think I could continue for their upper education. I've seen both sides, where children are well adjusted, and where they aren't.

So, what are people's reasons for homeschooling, and how do you socialize you children?

New Year

So, it's a new year. I didn't do any New Year's Resolutions last year because I don't seem to keep them. I think any time is a good time to set a new goal and improve yourself. Some of my goals are:
to plant a lawn this summer
have a really great garden and harvest an eggplant
finish the hooded sweater I started
finish Michael's quilt
finish quilt for new baby
fix up coffee table
paint one room in my house (not sure where to start)

I'm sure I have more, but sometimes I think it's better just to start somewhere. I can't do anything about the lawn or garden right now, but I can work on my craft projects. I am so close to having Michael's quilt done, that is probably where I should start.

A Place for my Thoughts

My other blog is a place for the family, this blog is a place for me.